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[coolerjunpei]

USERNAME: junpei Junpei Tenmyouji Zero Escape TEXT • AUDIO • VIDEO • ACTION • OVERFLOW

source | art

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03/07, text, un: 013

[blattella]

Hey man, hope you're holding up alright. Just got some interesting information from someone on the internet, thought I better do the right thing and pass it out to folks who could use it. The filenames are funny, I know, but I didn't name them. They actually have guides in them, though.

Attached: cardealerswhofuck.mp4
thedaymybuttatemybutt.mp4

Don't give this to username Kromer. She's bad news. Pass it around to anyone you think is trustworthy though, that's what the original guy said I should do.

[coolerjunpei]

oh, huh, some real life hackerman stuff going on here. maybe the filenames are a cool hacker code... you never know.

thanks though. i'll send it around. you doing ok?

and uh should i ask what username kromer did to get blacklisted already...?

[blattella]

If that's a code, I'd love to learn it. Sexy car dealers and butt-eating butts is a hell of a ride. Sadly lacking in content on that front.

I'm alright! I mean I'm bedridden at the moment so don't come knocking on my door or anything, but I'll be fine. Nothing I haven't been through before. Sounds worse than it really is!

[His arm is currently slowly spiralling out of control, and will deflate back to normal dimensions in another 24 hours. Don't Worry About It.

Or...Uh. Does he go ham on what Kromer's done.....Perhaps he should be honest, even if it means that his homie thinks he's bonkers. Such is City life, he supposes.]

Know that girl from home. She's playing nice here because she doesn't have a bunch of cronies (Kronies? hahahahaha) to follow her around, but she's pretty wild. Melted me and my coworkers into a pile of mushy meat. We got better though. She's also pretty against prosthetics, so I'm probably not her favourite person anyway hahahaha.

Not saying you have to go and fist fight her in the streets or anything, she's pretty harmless bar being smug, just playing it safe.

[coolerjunpei]

back home there was somebody who wrote a lot of my butt eats my butt type books. like, the time my hat came to life and banged me (and also i am a sentient hat rack). that kind of thing. i didn't read any of them though. maybe it became a secret hackerman thing eventually?

this girl melted you????? what the fuck

[He'll laugh at Kronies later, that IS funny, but Holy Shit Dude. Someone should lock her up...]

uh noted about her i guess. damn.

and are you sure you don't want a care package or something? left outside with a secret knock so you know it's just me dropping something off. i could grab some snacks... magazines (but they're just more pictures of the graveyard from the tourist center that i write fake headlines in). something to drink?

07/13 txt, @Kromer

[gripper]

( "why is this backdated" timeblindness on my end.

anyway remember when kromer said she'd go smack those questions into the kiosk to see what answers she got? reporting live from the venue... thanks for introducing yourself with your twitter network username, junpei. )

Q. Where are these answers coming from?
A. I am a tourist information kiosk, programmed to provide our residents with relevant information about nearby attractions, including food, drink, entertainment, and other lifestyle amenities.

Q. Who supplies the information for these answers?
A. I'm sorry, but information on the origin of my data repository is [REDACTED].

Q. How do we access the rest of the city?
A. It is highly inadvisable to leave the current limits of the city, but we are working hard to improve your travel experience!

( . . . . )

I'll ask why it's inadvisable to leave city limits, but that's what I've got out of this hunk of junk for now.

[coolerjunpei]

[nothing is a bigger jumpscare than username kromer popping up on his phone-- oh it's normal. okay.]

"entertainment," my ass...

[that's objectively not the biggest thing to pick at here, but junpei is as junpei does. what if he wants to go see a movie, huh kiosk? what then?

but, moving on--]

that's about as helpful as i thought it'd be. what the hell is with that city limits thing... doubt it'll tell you what's out there, but keep me posted. i haven't tried to leave through any districts yet, some kid at the meeting said something about getting turned around in mist? we're clearly not supposed to see what's out there, but i wonder if there's anything out there at all.

[simulation theory +1. and. hmm. well, despite the jumpscare...]

thanks for this.

[gripper]

Think nothing of it.
Whether we like it or not, we're all in this together. It's reasonable to work with one another rather than against each other.

( true words, and very nice ones, even if the moment the people here stop being useful she'll just— even if that means she has to work with those people— )

A shame we don't have drones available.
They're quite useful for recording and showcasing views you wouldn't be able to see otherwise.

[coolerjunpei]

[but wait, says junpei's overclocked little brain, didn't kromer get into a murder fight and also melt a bunch of people in some other instance...

????]

yeah that's true. if we can get out of here it's not like we have to hang around shaking hands or whatever.

[--well, he's not going to question a perfectly normal and reasonable statement like "work together," soooo...]

you mean like remote controlled flying drones? maybe they're in some electronics store that hasn't generously opened up yet.

7/19, prior to the event, text

[elswhisperer]

I asked the kiosk why the city revives the dead. It directed me to another kiosk at a redacted location.

[ Given their conversations during the meeting, Junpei seems like somebody who ought to hear this. ]

[coolerjunpei]

wait, really? that's... uh, concerning. just redacted, huh... nothing that you could guess from? i'm assuming the kiosks don't pop up a crappy half-filled map with a dot on it somewhere.

thanks though. good to know there *is* a reason behind stuff here, even if it's definitely going to be awful and they're not going to tell us for months.

[elswhisperer]

The location was completely blacked out. No indication of when it'll become available either.

I wonder what would happen if we managed to successfully guess the answer to that question. Would we receive a confirmation, or be redirected again?

[coolerjunpei]

probably given the run-around until *the right time*, whenever that is. pretty sure that's how they're deciding when to open parts of town. my ass it's actually for our benefit, or whatever...

but hey speaking of that, question for you. are you any good at putting machines together? like to make a drone?

09/03, @DONQUIXOT3, text

[icanfixer]

DEAREST JUNPEI
I CANNOT AWAIT NO LONGER
MY HEART IS YEARNING
MY NERVES UNSETTLED
IT IS AS IF MY WHOLE SOUL IS SINGING IN DESIRE
WHILST THEE HEAR ME OUT?

[coolerjunpei]

[if this were anyone else but don.....]

yeah sure. what are we doing?

[icanfixer]

[ you know her too well. ]

HAVE THEE SEEN THE FLYERS FOR THE FAIR YET TO OPEN

[coolerjunpei]

there are like 50 between my place and the convenience store.

[there are not nearly Fifty, they're merely incredibly noticeable as a thing that's changed in the past few days. still.]

are you asking to go when it opens, or to hop the fence right now?

@DONQUIXOT3, txt

[icanfixer]

👻👻👻BOO!👻👻👻 Did I scare you? Well! It's OCTOBER SO! 🎃 SPOOKY SEASON IS UPON US! 🎃 DO YOU WANT TO MAKE YOUR HALLOWEEN WISH COME TRUE?!?!?! 👻🧟💀 SEND THIS MESSAGE TO 5 OTHER PEOPLE IN HALF AN HOUR AFTER READING THIS...🎃🎃🎃 otherwise something awful will happen on OCTOBER 31! HALLOWEEN! PERHAPS DEATH AWAITS YOU! ☠️☠️☠️ Just kidding you'll just have the bad luck of STUBBING THY TOE!🤢🤢🤢 So better beware!! 👻

Nov 18, text, un: Hat Guy

[featheradrift]

I have your cheesecake.

[coolerjunpei]

oh you really made it huh. nice. where did you want me to meet you again?

[featheradrift]

Of course I did. I'm not about to start grudges by failing to uphold a promise.

[ He drops a map pin to the restaurant in the fourth district again, slightly annoyed. ]

Don't forget again, old man.

[coolerjunpei]

oh yeah, i was gonna tell everyone about the guy who doesn't make free cheesecakes, you got me.

[He just accepts being called old man... It's whatever. Oh, how his joints creak when he has to Get Up to Go to the Restaurant... woe...]

i'll see you there.

text. @hong lu ✰, backdated to like nov 29th or something

[yyds]

Junpei~
You seem to know a lot of things. Do you know how to ask someone to come to a gala with you?

[coolerjunpei]

uhhh not really no. you mean the thing they're having on the weekend? i think i'm the one who got asked to that.

[But. That was Kromer. So maybe it's doubly irrelevant.]

but i can help, i think... are you trying to get a date or a friend to come? it's different.

[yyds]

Hmm...
How do you know if someone is a date or a friend? Why is there a difference?
And when someone asked you to come, were you a date or a friend?

TXT | un: theonewhogifts

[gripper]

Merry Christmas and a happy Noel to you! I'm here to announce who you'll be a secret Santa to... Your giftee is: Onni Hotakainen!

Congratulations! Here's a few notes to help you pick or make the perfect present for them.

LIKES: Sweets and cakes. Books. Metal music.
DISLIKES: Stupid conversations.
HOBBIES: Playing kantele. Reading. Knitting.

Remember we'll be having a Christmas party on the 25th, so if you want to give it to them then or just drop it off by the tree for them to find, well, you can do just that! We'll have a lot of traditional Christmas foods, plus smores, and I'm sure it'll be a wonderful little time for us to gather, sing carols, and be merry this cold winter season!

If you've got any questions, comments, concerns, or desires for clarifications... You got one chance to ask them, because I've got a bunch of people to contact and I don't have a bunch of time to entertain conversation! :)