Hey man, hope you're holding up alright. Just got some interesting information from someone on the internet, thought I better do the right thing and pass it out to folks who could use it. The filenames are funny, I know, but I didn't name them. They actually have guides in them, though.
Don't give this to username Kromer. She's bad news. Pass it around to anyone you think is trustworthy though, that's what the original guy said I should do.
If that's a code, I'd love to learn it. Sexy car dealers and butt-eating butts is a hell of a ride. Sadly lacking in content on that front.
I'm alright! I mean I'm bedridden at the moment so don't come knocking on my door or anything, but I'll be fine. Nothing I haven't been through before. Sounds worse than it really is!
[His arm is currently slowly spiralling out of control, and will deflate back to normal dimensions in another 24 hours. Don't Worry About It.
Or...Uh. Does he go ham on what Kromer's done.....Perhaps he should be honest, even if it means that his homie thinks he's bonkers. Such is City life, he supposes.]
Know that girl from home. She's playing nice here because she doesn't have a bunch of cronies (Kronies? hahahahaha) to follow her around, but she's pretty wild. Melted me and my coworkers into a pile of mushy meat. We got better though. She's also pretty against prosthetics, so I'm probably not her favourite person anyway hahahaha.
Not saying you have to go and fist fight her in the streets or anything, she's pretty harmless bar being smug, just playing it safe.
back home there was somebody who wrote a lot of my butt eats my butt type books. like, the time my hat came to life and banged me (and also i am a sentient hat rack). that kind of thing. i didn't read any of them though. maybe it became a secret hackerman thing eventually?
this girl melted you????? what the fuck
[He'll laugh at Kronies later, that IS funny, but Holy Shit Dude. Someone should lock her up...]
uh noted about her i guess. damn.
and are you sure you don't want a care package or something? left outside with a secret knock so you know it's just me dropping something off. i could grab some snacks... magazines (but they're just more pictures of the graveyard from the tourist center that i write fake headlines in). something to drink?
Maybe this guy's that guy. A real artisan who happens to know about internet anonymity.......I mean I'd read one of those books at least once just for a lark. How could you get a whole book out of that?? Worth looking into.
Don't worry about it, it was pretty specialised circumstances. Preeeeeeeeeeetty sure that can't happen here? Anyway. Nasty piece of work. Would melt me if she only could, probably. Has weird hair and a stare that makes you feel small. You'll probably know her if you see her, long as you know to watch out for a weird girl.
wait you'd really do that?? For me? You shouldn't.
that'd be wild. do you have a line to this guy? ask him if he's a secret writer of reeeeeally niche erotica.
would you believe i've got experience with weird girls who like to kill people? the one i met isn't here, so we've got that going for us. i'll uh stay on my toes.
and......yeah? remember how we're friends now? what kind of snacks do you like because i am already heading for the store. i'm in the elevator as we speak.
I should. I don't have a direct line, but if he gets in contact with me again (and I'm hoping he will, we're thinking about planning a bank of information and theories), I'll ask.
Man, what is it with the weird girls coming up with the worst ways to kill people? And the most elaborate schemes? I prefer a woman who can just punch her fist through my head like a normal person, not a girl who makes us mincemeat. Though if I hear of a woman who'd do that, I'll also warn you.
I thought you were just saying that because I was there and had the big pointy arm right in your space. You don't have to say that stuff. I was being serious about being the sort of guy who latches on early, so this is your last chance to get out before I actually believe you. But seriously, if you can't handle the sight of a guy's insect arm wigging out, then don't come. It's nothing I can't handle.
that'll be good. "hey, great idea about the top secret infosharing database, but hey, are you involved in the weird porn field by any chance?" definitely let me know how that one goes.
bzzzzt oh no the elevator is screwing with my phone bzzzt i can't read my texts suddenly. i hope you're just agreeing with me that we're friends now.
but really, i meant it. do i have to get gooey? just.....you know, trust me. as much as you can in a place like this, anyway... [Never Mind That Now,] but uh maybe i should just say hey through the door, re: arm, because i have noooo idea what "wigging out" means.
More like 'my buddy wondered if you were into writing erotica since your filenames are familiar', so you can take up the heat for me! Heheheheheheheh.
Alright!!! Point taken, man. Your funeral. (not literally) (please not literally) (I don't want to jinx you I'm so sorry)
Definitely recommend standing in the doorway. It's slow, so you really aren't in danger like you would be normally, but it's gross. And if you're asleep at the wheel, it's probably still dangerous. Also I look pretty gross right now in general, since showering and everything is a pain when my arm is determined to knock everything onto the floor.
hmmm yeah i guess, why not. i can be the paranoid code names guy and the weird erotica recognizer. keep em guessing.
and relax, seriously. i'm not planning on getting myself killed anytime soon, and definitely not in your doorway.
maybe you should get some tape, lay down a "do not cross - arm alert!!!" line. just so you don't have to explain to everyone, every time. but uh sure, sounds [......good????] like a plan. what kind of snacks do you want? i'm about to go stare at the chips.
Thanks, bud. I'm marking all of this down on my tab, so I can repay you later. I know we're friends and all, but like hell I'm letting a friend do unpaid labour.
Tell me about it. Stuff happens to me way more often than I'd like, and I'd like to avoid that here, with you! Hahahahahahaha
I've been drinking out the shower without dying, so don't worry about water. I'm a tough man, actual nice-tasting food is a luxury at this point. I appreciate you even wanting to come and see me like this.
i'm getting you a water. friends don't let friends drink out of the shower. don't put it on the tab, it's a freebie. let me do some grocery shopping and then i'll come on by.
[la de da, he's surely not forgetting anything...... oh yeah,]
I've been keeping one, anyway. Just in case. Also helps me remember what I have, in case the days blend together a little too much.
Damn.
You don't think they put chemicals in the water to keep us sedate? (that was a joke I swear) But I'm absolutely adding this to the tab and you can't stop me. Hold on, let me just see if I can send you the location, give me a second.
[Boop! Automated location shpiel, sent through!]
You get that? It's not too far from where Don and Sinclair live, hahahahaha.
oh huh, that might be a good idea, actually. i'm not that good at remembering to keep track of stuff, though... got any tips?
i talked to a guy about drugs in the food before. we thought it'd be too big a chance to take, since there's no guarantee that we're all going to drink the same amount of water or eat enough fucked up food. no, if they're putting drugs in us, it's gotta be some other way. if it's inconsistent, it's too easy to break out...
and yeah got it. ok give me 15, maybe 20 min and i'll be up with your gift basket.
[And it will include a bottle of water, pointedly!! It takes him the longest to locate raw salmon, mostly because he's never bought raw fish before outside of sushi... There's a knock on the door after a little over 20 minutes, actually, and then there are a few more knocks. It's shave-and-a-haircut.]
Hey, it's me—it's Junpei. You good for me to come in?
cw in the link for bug body horror, gregor having a mildly bad time
[He's still typing out a reply when he hears Junpei at the door, so. He'll just say what he has to say, in the end. But first, while his arm gently does whatever the fuck this is and knocks into whatever it can reach, better actually reply and get him indoors.]
All good, come in! There's only one door in this place, and I'll be behind it.
[Catch this guy Truly Metamorphosis-ed the fuck out, laying in bed looking like shit, surrounded by empty popcorn bags. Truly a roach.] ...Sorry I'm not in a better state, I'm usually way better at hosting, being clean, and generally being not a pain to be around.
[When his arm isn't morphing, warping, twisting itself into incomprehensibly fluid and sharp shapes as it yearns to pierce.] ...If you want to know my hot tips about grocery shopping, I just write down what I take on the rolls of receipt paper and tuck 'em under the register. Signed and all. It's better than nothing.
[Junpei does his best to brace himself as he shoulders the door open, arms laden with groceries, but he really has no idea what to expect, and he can't deny being a little relieved that there's another door to open in between. Let him just put these bags down... right here on the floor, where they'll wait while he takes only a roll of fun duct tape he found over to the other room. Just to stick his head in...
.......Okay. It's.
It could be worse. He stares at the wacked out limb until he pointedly doesn't anymore, holding up the roll of tape.]
This was the best one I could find, so I hope you like patterns. And I didn't write a receipt, but I pretended to make small talk at the register while I did the bags.
[Genuinely he did, is this anything?? But let him hold up a finger- wait- and then duck back out to rummage through these bags on the floor in the other room. So much less arm to stare at, whew... He calls back over his shoulder:]
Oh-- that's cute. Thanks, buddy. I don't mind at all; never had a cat, but it sure would've been nice, you know?
[Wings know he can't trust himself around smaller animals now, though. Which is probably obvious, given the way his arm starts to slowly churn the air in Junpei's direction, now that Gregor's attention is on him. Not that it'll stretch that far, but it'll be uncomfortable all the same, for both of them. Just what he likes!]
Uh-- just chuck it in the fridge for now, I guess. I'll stuff it down my throat once you don't have to witness it. I'm not starving yet, haha.
[A beat, where his smile fades and his eyes flit to the vortex of chitin currently attached to his upper arm.] ...Sorry to make you look at this.
Fridge it is. I'll leave the tape here on the counter...
[Announcing what he's doing both out of habit and so it doesn't get too awkwardly silent in here, what with the chitinous horror mere drywall away right now. He'll admit it, quietly, here stooped to put stuff in the fridge: it's weird and scary!!! Incredibly bad to look at!!! But he played the friendship card too many times just to deliver these snacks, so...]
Technically, I'm looking at this pack of cream cheese, [he calls with his head in the fridge, popping back out only when it begins to feel Too Silly.] And I, uh... I volunteered, so...
[Do not worry about it? Only worry the normal amount? There might be more if he knew something to say that didn't feel goofy, but instead after a moment there's that water bottle he insisted on, rolling into the roach room.]
Yeah, but who the hell could really imagine what it's like until they see it?
[Anyway, no more pity party. At least for a good few seconds. A man thus bedridden, with nothing more on his mind other than his own self-induced mutation, is permitted a little misery to wallow in, right???
But that water bottle looks really fucking good, and he's not about to look so pathetic as to just let it roll and land where it may! At the very least, he's going to roll over as best he can, even with the arm doing what it can to obstruct him, and try to grab the bottle off the floor.]
Thanks, man. Y'know...You got it easy, just seeing the arm. I get real bad, more comes out. Ha! [ha, ha. please laugh.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
03/07, text, un: 013
Attached: cardealerswhofuck.mp4
thedaymybuttatemybutt.mp4
Don't give this to username Kromer. She's bad news. Pass it around to anyone you think is trustworthy though, that's what the original guy said I should do.
no subject
thanks though. i'll send it around. you doing ok?
and uh should i ask what username kromer did to get blacklisted already...?
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I'm alright! I mean I'm bedridden at the moment so don't come knocking on my door or anything, but I'll be fine. Nothing I haven't been through before. Sounds worse than it really is!
[His arm is currently slowly spiralling out of control, and will deflate back to normal dimensions in another 24 hours. Don't Worry About It.
Or...Uh. Does he go ham on what Kromer's done.....Perhaps he should be honest, even if it means that his homie thinks he's bonkers. Such is City life, he supposes.]
Know that girl from home. She's playing nice here because she doesn't have a bunch of cronies (Kronies? hahahahaha) to follow her around, but she's pretty wild. Melted me and my coworkers into a pile of mushy meat. We got better though. She's also pretty against prosthetics, so I'm probably not her favourite person anyway hahahaha.
Not saying you have to go and fist fight her in the streets or anything, she's pretty harmless bar being smug, just playing it safe.
no subject
this girl melted you????? what the fuck
[He'll laugh at Kronies later, that IS funny, but Holy Shit Dude. Someone should lock her up...]
uh noted about her i guess. damn.
and are you sure you don't want a care package or something? left outside with a secret knock so you know it's just me dropping something off. i could grab some snacks... magazines (but they're just more pictures of the graveyard from the tourist center that i write fake headlines in). something to drink?
no subject
Don't worry about it, it was pretty specialised circumstances. Preeeeeeeeeeetty sure that can't happen here? Anyway. Nasty piece of work. Would melt me if she only could, probably. Has weird hair and a stare that makes you feel small. You'll probably know her if you see her, long as you know to watch out for a weird girl.
wait you'd really do that?? For me? You shouldn't.
no subject
would you believe i've got experience with weird girls who like to kill people? the one i met isn't here, so we've got that going for us. i'll uh stay on my toes.
and......yeah? remember how we're friends now? what kind of snacks do you like because i am already heading for the store. i'm in the elevator as we speak.
no subject
Man, what is it with the weird girls coming up with the worst ways to kill people? And the most elaborate schemes? I prefer a woman who can just punch her fist through my head like a normal person, not a girl who makes us mincemeat. Though if I hear of a woman who'd do that, I'll also warn you.
I thought you were just saying that because I was there and had the big pointy arm right in your space. You don't have to say that stuff. I was being serious about being the sort of guy who latches on early, so this is your last chance to get out before I actually believe you. But seriously, if you can't handle the sight of a guy's insect arm wigging out, then don't come. It's nothing I can't handle.
no subject
bzzzzt oh no the elevator is screwing with my phone bzzzt i can't read my texts suddenly. i hope you're just agreeing with me that we're friends now.
but really, i meant it. do i have to get gooey? just.....you know, trust me. as much as you can in a place like this, anyway... [Never Mind That Now,] but uh maybe i should just say hey through the door, re: arm, because i have noooo idea what "wigging out" means.
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Alright!!! Point taken, man. Your funeral. (not literally) (please not literally) (I don't want to jinx you I'm so sorry)
Definitely recommend standing in the doorway. It's slow, so you really aren't in danger like you would be normally, but it's gross. And if you're asleep at the wheel, it's probably still dangerous. Also I look pretty gross right now in general, since showering and everything is a pain when my arm is determined to knock everything onto the floor.
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and relax, seriously. i'm not planning on getting myself killed anytime soon, and definitely not in your doorway.
maybe you should get some tape, lay down a "do not cross - arm alert!!!" line. just so you don't have to explain to everyone, every time. but uh sure, sounds [......good????] like a plan. what kind of snacks do you want? i'm about to go stare at the chips.
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I know it's probably going to seem like I'm freaking out a LOT, but I've actually killed someone back home with this thing outside of work
against my will of course. But the arm alert tape's a good idea. Stealing that.
Could you grab some raw salmon? Cream cheese, if they had it, please. I'll share with you, of course.
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i'll get you some tape. might just be whatever i can find...
[Does he address... the accidental murder...]
shit happens i guess. i mean you said you can't help it so i'm not gonna hold it against you. i can hang out on the right side of the tape.
sure though, fish and cream cheese. that it? you want like......a water?
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Tell me about it. Stuff happens to me way more often than I'd like, and I'd like to avoid that here, with you! Hahahahahahaha
I've been drinking out the shower without dying, so don't worry about water. I'm a tough man, actual nice-tasting food is a luxury at this point. I appreciate you even wanting to come and see me like this.
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i'm getting you a water. friends don't let friends drink out of the shower. don't put it on the tab, it's a freebie. let me do some grocery shopping and then i'll come on by.
[la de da, he's surely not forgetting anything...... oh yeah,]
oh and uh send me an apartment number.
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Damn.
You don't think they put chemicals in the water to keep us sedate? (that was a joke I swear) But I'm absolutely adding this to the tab and you can't stop me. Hold on, let me just see if I can send you the location, give me a second.
[Boop! Automated location shpiel, sent through!]
You get that? It's not too far from where Don and Sinclair live, hahahahaha.
no subject
i talked to a guy about drugs in the food before. we thought it'd be too big a chance to take, since there's no guarantee that we're all going to drink the same amount of water or eat enough fucked up food. no, if they're putting drugs in us, it's gotta be some other way. if it's inconsistent, it's too easy to break out...
and yeah got it. ok give me 15, maybe 20 min and i'll be up with your gift basket.
[And it will include a bottle of water, pointedly!! It takes him the longest to locate raw salmon, mostly because he's never bought raw fish before outside of sushi... There's a knock on the door after a little over 20 minutes, actually, and then there are a few more knocks. It's shave-and-a-haircut.]
Hey, it's me—it's Junpei. You good for me to come in?
cw in the link for bug body horror, gregor having a mildly bad time
All good, come in! There's only one door in this place, and I'll be behind it.
[Catch this guy Truly Metamorphosis-ed the fuck out, laying in bed looking like shit, surrounded by empty popcorn bags. Truly a roach.] ...Sorry I'm not in a better state, I'm usually way better at hosting, being clean, and generally being not a pain to be around.
[When his arm isn't morphing, warping, twisting itself into incomprehensibly fluid and sharp shapes as it yearns to pierce.] ...If you want to know my hot tips about grocery shopping, I just write down what I take on the rolls of receipt paper and tuck 'em under the register. Signed and all. It's better than nothing.
no subject
.......Okay. It's.
It could be worse. He stares at the wacked out limb until he pointedly doesn't anymore, holding up the roll of tape.]
This was the best one I could find, so I hope you like patterns. And I didn't write a receipt, but I pretended to make small talk at the register while I did the bags.
[Genuinely he did, is this anything?? But let him hold up a finger- wait- and then duck back out to rummage through these bags on the floor in the other room. So much less arm to stare at, whew... He calls back over his shoulder:]
What do you want me to do with this stuff?
no subject
[Wings know he can't trust himself around smaller animals now, though. Which is probably obvious, given the way his arm starts to slowly churn the air in Junpei's direction, now that Gregor's attention is on him. Not that it'll stretch that far, but it'll be uncomfortable all the same, for both of them. Just what he likes!]
Uh-- just chuck it in the fridge for now, I guess. I'll stuff it down my throat once you don't have to witness it. I'm not starving yet, haha.
[A beat, where his smile fades and his eyes flit to the vortex of chitin currently attached to his upper arm.] ...Sorry to make you look at this.
no subject
[Announcing what he's doing both out of habit and so it doesn't get too awkwardly silent in here, what with the chitinous horror mere drywall away right now. He'll admit it, quietly, here stooped to put stuff in the fridge: it's weird and scary!!! Incredibly bad to look at!!! But he played the friendship card too many times just to deliver these snacks, so...]
Technically, I'm looking at this pack of cream cheese, [he calls with his head in the fridge, popping back out only when it begins to feel Too Silly.] And I, uh... I volunteered, so...
[Do not worry about it? Only worry the normal amount? There might be more if he knew something to say that didn't feel goofy, but instead after a moment there's that water bottle he insisted on, rolling into the roach room.]
There, drink up.
no subject
[Anyway, no more pity party. At least for a good few seconds. A man thus bedridden, with nothing more on his mind other than his own self-induced mutation, is permitted a little misery to wallow in, right???
But that water bottle looks really fucking good, and he's not about to look so pathetic as to just let it roll and land where it may! At the very least, he's going to roll over as best he can, even with the arm doing what it can to obstruct him, and try to grab the bottle off the floor.]
Thanks, man. Y'know...You got it easy, just seeing the arm. I get real bad, more comes out. Ha! [ha, ha. please laugh.]