[For his part, Junpei does feel kind of embarrassed about this - the way Charles is comforting him, like he can't handle himself - but he appreciates it too much to put stock into that. Mmph...]
yeah, that's what i'm doing.
[Not like he has a choice, all things considered. At least he has this to de-stress-]
[ and maybe that's too earnest of a response — but he can't answer any differently, not when the last thing he wants in the world is to keep junpei waiting at all. though the idea that he is waiting for him specifically, actually, that's... well. that's something that makes him feel the kind of way he might if he still was capable of feeling his whole face flush red, all the while making his heart feel stupidly light.
but then the others are signaling that it's time to go, and he needs to cut this short. ]
i gotta go now, but i'll see you soon. give gab a hug for me.
[ and then he pockets his tablet... and is promptly unable to check it for the next day or so, what with everything in ketsora going to hell in a handbasket real fast, an iron-tipped arrow burrowed into his side until jinx saves him for the second time — and the beach isn't much better, with a dead girl on the ground and scott on actual fire and then his time going to tinkering with the terminal —
well. all this to say, he doesn't take much time to actually rest, nor recover, and by the time the terminal is back-upped and the reset performed, his side is aching very badly; not that that's enough to deter him from setting up the mirror, saying bye to the others and then quite simply stepping through it and emerging from the mirror in junpei's house.
and he intends to say something, to announce that he's back — but the relief of it all being over crashes over him instantly, and though his all-black clothes hide the wound and the blood on his side well enough, he's not taken a moment of rest since being hurt badly enough to incapacitate him completely... so it's perhaps no wonder all he manages is to stagger forward a few steps, dropping his backpack onto the floor with a clattering sound.
he did make it back, though, right? he kept his promise. that's what matters. ]
[And that's that, and Junpei would be lying if he said he wasn't expecting another message before seeing Charles again, all things considered. Another message would be enough to reassure him that everything went fine, even if it was more horse nonsense - especially if it was more horse nonsense. But there isn't one, and every so often he checks just in case he didn't hear the notification come, and every time he frowns and lingers over i'd never with a little more worry coiling around his chest.
It's probably fine. It has to be fine, right? The world hasn't dissolved or anything around him in the meantime, so it has to be okay.
He tells himself that and he pretends he believes it, and he's checking the tablet so incessantly that the clattering from the other side of the house, where the mirror is, makes him jump. That is a non-standard Charles entrance if he's ever heard one, so he's up and moving in the next heartbeat, quite literally sliding into view in his socks like a very stressed out Risky Business redux—]
Charles— Whoa, what happened? Are you okay? [He can't see anything immediately grievously wrong, but boy, does Charles look rough-] Holy shit, come here.
[—to lean on his shoulder, specifically, before he drops like Junpei is a little worried he might.]
[ he's right to worry, because charles feels like he might collapse now that he no longer has to keep himself functional with nothing but his sheer force of will — if he was human that'd never work, but for ghosts, intent is what matters, and he's long since learned how to push himself to the limit when necessary.
and yet, when his eyes land on junpei, he breaks into a smile like every single thing that's wrong in the world has suddenly been made right. ] Junpei.
[ that's all he says, for a few moments, just his name paired with that look of undisguised affection and relief. ]
I'm — [ he does as instructed, leaning his weight on junpei and intending to reassure him that he's doing fine, really, except the movement has him wincing as he presses his hand against his side. ]
It wasn't, [ it wasn't my fault, except let him take a breath, ] I tried, yeah? I promise I tried. But they had iron arrows. It could... have been worse.
[ it very nearly was worse, so much worse, but he doesn't intend to ever let junpei know just how close of a call it was. ]
[Oh, and that look could break his heart, the way it comes at the same time as all the rest. It still twists something warm in him, despite the state of Charles; Junpei wants to wrap that smile up and keep it in his back pocket for a rainy day, but - right now—]
Who the fuck is they? [he says, first, because they both so carefully avoided the details of where Charles was going, it didn't even occur to Junpei that there would be armed foes out there. Then,] —Shut up for a second and come on.
[They're going to move, and he keeps an eye on Charles the whole time in case he's flinching too much to go on, but the goal is to get to his bedroom and get Charles laid down there, instead of crowded up on the too-small couch. Junpei will hear all of his I trieds and could have been worses again in a minute or so, when he's satisfied that Charles isn't going to, to, to pass out on him, or something? He doesn't know how to do first aid very well in the first place, let alone on a ghost.
So it's off to the bed, a short walk luckily in his little house, and he murmurs a handful of come ons and let's gos on the way, mostly so Charles doesn't feel like he has to keep filling the air with his apologies. He's here, he's back, that is enough for Junpei right now.
Gab is on the bed; the dog perks up and then whines at the sight of Charles, coming over to snuffle at him when he's settled. Junpei lingers at the side of the bed, torn between the crashing wave of relief that Charles is back and the nearly physical itch to go find a first aid kit and ghost-ify it somehow? He'd figure it out?? Ack.]
What do I-? What do you need? You've been grabbing your side this whole time, so no bullshit.
The Ketsorans, [ he answers, and would elaborate but then junpei is telling him to shut up, presumably so they can relocate to somewhere that isn't where they're standing right now, and charles nods, glancing at junpei as they walk, expression soft and grateful, not just for the help but for the little things he keeps saying, filling in the silence so he can focus on simply moving his feet.
when they get to the bedroom, charles smiles again at the sight of gab, muttering a quiet sorry and reaching his hand out for him to sniff before giving him a few scritches.
but then he realises his hand is needed elsewhere; namely, the second he thinks junpei might try and leave, even if it's with good intentions, he can't help but extend his hand so he can take junpei's in his, hold him there with a little tug towards the bed. ]
You, [ he says then, quiet and honest, as much an answer as it is the start to a sentence, ] You can't... do anything. The arrow's out, the wound just needs to heal, it'll do that on its own as long as I —
[ he tries to shrug, but the movement has him grimacing again, and he doesn't finish the sentence, but it's pretty obvious he means he just needs rest.
and so he says, with his eyes large and pleading, ]
[The who the fuck, Junpei thinks, and then wonders if maybe he shouldn't have checked up on the local lore a bit sooner. That can wait until later though, because he doesn't care one whit who the Ketsorans are unless they come knocking on his door.
Then Charles has his hand, and he says you and Junpei's heart flips, and then you can't do anything and it flips back the other way, just to keep him grounded, he supposes. That's another what the fuck, in his opinion, because whoever invented the rules for spectral first aid is a real prick— Junpei makes a face, frustrated at his own inability to do anything, to speed this process along, and squeezes Charles' hand.]
Okay, I'm not. [Don't give him that look, his heart's going to burst, it'll be really embarrassing-] Just - scoot over, then you don't have to move anymore, I promise.
[Do scoot though, so he can claim a corner of the bed to sit on, settling cross-legged and after a split-second decision, giving his own leg a significant pat. Come here, rest, ghost-nap, whatever works. He's staying. Now that they're together again he feels much less frayed than he has for the past few days - chalk it up to his, hm, unique experiences, but he's much better at handling a crisis with the right company.
Not that everything is as it should be... His gaze drifts to the spot Charles had been holding later, the wound he can't quite see, and he frowns. More than anything he's grateful Charles made it back at all, but he's going to wonder, so,]
[ once again, he simply does as told, scooting a tad awkwardly as he tries to not jostle his side too much, relaxing a little as junpei sits down and he doesn't have to fear him just — leaving, for whatever reason. that is why, as junpei pats his leg in the universal sign of come here, his first thought is good, then he can't get up without me knowing, and he moves without really thinking anything more, lifts his head obligingly and rests it against his leg. only then does the reality of the situation set in, and he thinks, oh, and bites down a stupidly pleased little smile. he doesn't quite manage it, but some of it is lost in an exhale as he lets himself settle, feeling far more calm and whole than he has in the past days altogether.
with another slow exhale, he lets his overcoat flicker out of existence, then his bomber jacket, leaving him in just the black polo shirt — and without the extra fabric covering them up, the tears in his shirt are more visible, the stains that can only be dried blood, with the jagged edges of an arrow wound blackened, almost burnt-looking, peeking from underneath. ]
Took an iron-tipped arrow to the side, [ comes his answer, a little self-deprecating and succinct. ]
Ketsora's a fortress. Like, walls and archers on top and all that, and they're not keen on outsiders, yeah? So we had to [ he pauses, swallows, ] create a distraction. They weren't supposed to have anything that could hit me.
[ and, well, here's the result. and because he knows, he knows what this sounds like, ] We had to let the younger Peter and Gwen sneak in, they were the experts on this whole reset thing, and Shinji's the only one who'd been there before, so he showed them the way in. The older Peter and I stayed behind. And he — he took far worse hits so I wouldn't, so. [ so!! him getting hurt was an accident, and then peter actually ensured he wasn't hurt any worse. which he feels terrible about but it's fine!
anyway, ] And then the portal threw me at the beach, a lot of shit had gone down there when I got there, and I ended up helping with the terminal... [ hence the lack of a message. and no, he's not explicitly saying he never once stopped to rest or take care of his wound or do anything about it at all, but he's also not not saying that. ]
I came as soon as we were done. [ a pause. ] Sorry it took me this long.
[Junpei learns a lot of things at once: about the Ketsorans, about two Peters which is apparently significant (did he even know there was one Peter? he can't remember), about the seemingly capricious nature of these weird portals everyone's been jumping in, wow, glad he didn't go anywhere—
But all of that is set dressing, really. All of that is good to know, and he is listening and will remember, but all of that is secondary to what happened to Charles. Junpei waits until he's settled, shed layers and all, before running his fingers through Charles' hair the same way Charles has done for him plenty of times, repetitive, comforting (he hopes). But his gaze lingers on the torn shirt and the glimpse of the wound beneath, and he swallows around the bitter taste of you can't do anything a second time.]
Hey, come on, don't do that, [he says, soft and low,] You made it back.
[Junpei sat around for a few days doing nothing! He's fine! Charles doesn't owe him this apology, or any apology, except maybe for the things he isn't saying in the middle there— throwing himself into danger, not taking care of himself... Make no mistake: Junpei continues to find these behaviors upsetting, hypocrite that he is, but is he going to yell and scold about it? No, of course not.
(And that, of course, is because he's a hypocrite about this; he's been there, he's done this, and it has never once made him feel better to be told he fucked up real bad, period, no discussion. So, no, he's not going to scold.)
And, alright, maybe he should ask something about the terminal, the fate of the world, the others who were there— but, well! That's still secondary, admittedly. He spends a quiet moment carding his fingers through Charles' hair in silence, considering, then just as soft and quiet,]
Think you can make me another promise? Take better care of yourself, next time...? I'll promise too.
[ it is with a soft hum that he tilts his head into the touch, closing his eyes for a moment, to focus on nothing else but the sensation of the hand in his hair, in the way he can feel it. and it is because of that focus that he says, almost absently, ] I almost didn't.
[ and then he blinks his eyes open, sharp and sudden, because shit, he didn't mean to say that — but he did, and he can't take it back, so he hastens to add, ] But then Jinx showed up. I owe her twice over, now. [ she'd been there for him when he was reliving his death, and then now prevented him from experiencing an entirely new one.
in the end, maybe it doesn't matter, what could have happened; not when it didn't, not when he's here, now. he did make it back, and he has no intentions of leaving again. with a sigh, he lets his eyes fall closed for a second, two, three, before junpei's voice makes him open them again and tilt his head so he can gaze at him, the look he gives him soft and tender in the way he only ever directs at junpei and no one else. ]
... Yeah. Yeah, I promise. [ a moment passes where he simply keeps looking at junpei, and then, ]
But next time, I won't leave you. Either we both stay, or we both go, yeah? Cause I don't ever wanna do this again. [ 'this' meaning 'be apart for days at a time'. ]
[Charles, jesus. Junpei can't resist, flat and more than a little wry:] Wow.
[Coupled with a raised eyebrow as if to say, see, that's why they have to make this promise. Self-preservation is too difficult, too often, therefore... Well, this. He shakes his head lightly.]
Maybe I'll send her a gift basket or something. You think she likes fruit?
[Levity, but he'll at least thank her, when things blow over. When it's settled and Charles doesn't have a burn-festering arrow puncture in his side, then Junpei can think about reaching out to, hm, anyone else.
...And here he goes, agreeing to play the hero again (at least, to the option, which counts), but for Charles? It's not even a question.]
Yeah. Neither do I. Wouldn't say no to less bullshit happening around here, but... yeah, it's you and me.
[He holds up his other hand— it's pinky promise time again, which will shift into simply holding Charles' hand afterwards. Of course.]
So, uh... [He falters, the dozen or so things he wants to say all clamoring and tripping over each other, buoyed further by the high of Charles being back and safe and looking at him like that, jeez... So, he manages, clearing his throat,] How long does this healing thing take?
[ he at least has the good grace to look sheepish and apologetic at once, and yeah — maybe they do need the promise. and more than that, maybe he's incredibly, stupidly lucky that junpei gets it; does he wish he didn't, because it'd mean he wouldn't do the same? well, yes, of course. but he can't help but be grateful nonetheless, that junpei speaks of this not with anger but understanding... and a little wryness and a pointed look, well, he's definitely owed as much. ]
Think she might. [ truthfully, jinx seems more like a sweets person to him, but that's not really the point here.
the point, it turns out, is junpei saying it's you and me and holding out his pinky for another promise and charles — fucking hell, charles loves him so much his heart might just burst, so much it actually hurts more than the bloody arrow wound, and once the promise is made and their hands are simply holding onto each other again, he looks at them instead of at junpei because he knows that if he doesn't distract himself, somehow, he's going to go and discard every good reason he's thought of to not speak of his feelings at all and pour them all out, reach into his chest and drop his spectral heart into junpei's hands.
he exhales, once, very carefully. okay, he can — he can do this. he can be normal about this, can't he? and talking about ghost healing, yeah, that's a nice distraction. ]
Oh, uh, not too long? It started healing the second the iron was out, but I need to, you know, have a good and proper rest for it to work. So it's been pretty slow until now, but I reckon a few hours and I'll be able to move round without it hurting.
[Thanks, he is owed this significant look, yes— He hums, acknowledging; Jinx being there for Charles means a lot to him, so - yeah, he'll remember to say something, at least. He can just ask her if she likes fruits directly, thank-you gift baskets don't have to be a surprise—
But, right, holding Charles' hand and fretting over his literal arrow wound, he's focused on that. He makes a face at "the second the iron was out," because just the look of the wound that he can see through that hole in the shirt is rough already, and the mental image is... ugh. Unsettling.]
Okay. Yeah, sounds good. I'm not going anywhere, so...
[He shrugs; Charles is literally lying in his lap, so obviously he's not going anywhere, but now that a few hours are on the table it feels like it's good to confirm. The next impasse, of course, is how badly he wants to talk to Charles to make up for the past few days, and on another level, to slide right down there and hold him close, but the healing process-!!]
Do you need to, I dunno... pretend to sleep? I don't want to mess it up by running my mouth, or anything.
[ it isn't for nothing that he'd said that iron wounds aren't a pretty sight — of course, seeing it happen is far worse than the aftermath, what with the smoke and debilitating pain and all that... but charles is glad junpei's never seen it, and if he's got anything to say about it, will never see it.
he mutters a quiet good when junpei confirms that he's staying, and then, when he worries about disturbing his rest, he tries to shake his head to counter that idea, except he's still lying with his head in his lap, and the motion just ends up with him sort of half-burying his face in junpei's thigh, which, hm —
on second thought, maybe he can just say it out loud, ]
You wouldn't. I like listening to you talk. [ it's one more for the ever-growing tally of should-be embarrassing things that charles says entirely earnestly. and it's true, too — he's missed listening to junpei in the past days, and while he thinks it's possible he may zone out as he rests, junpei talking won't interfere with that in any way; if anything, his voice makes things better, not worse.
with a considering tilt of his head, charles turns a little so he can meet his eyes again, something that still feels a touch perilous, but he'll manage, somehow. ] But if you're gonna be here for the whole two hours, your legs're gonna start hurting in twenty minutes or so.
[ what he should say is so i should move and you should stretch your legs; what comes out is, ] So... lie down with me?
[For all that Charles doesn't sleep, he really has the kind of out of it, cute and "sleepy" kind of vibe down, which is what Junpei thinks about very studiously as Charles mushes his face into his thigh like that so he doesn't think about anything else. He scoffs lightly and gives Charles' hair an affectionate ruffle before making an exaggerated face, like, what should he talk about...? Gab's favorite cheeses? That's something.
He says,] Oh, [because that's a very salient point about his legs, but he doesn't want to keep jostling Charles around when he's injured, and isn't lying down with him kind of... well.
He really, desperately wants to, is the thing, but god if he knows how to be normal about it.]
Good idea. You're the patient, so you go first, and... just tell me where you want me.
[Not that he's letting go of Charles' hand for this. That's immaterial.]
[ oh, ghosts may not sleep, but ghosts can absolutely fall into a zoning-out-of-it state, the one step before going unconscious — and if he's a bit loopy because most of his energy is going to healing, well! not his fault, that.
it's also not his fault that that means he's not exactly thinking straight (ha) about this whole thing; on a normal day, he'd have sense enough to not suggest this, or at least he'd be more mindful of the implications... but right now, it just seems like a great idea to save junpei from the horror of needles in his legs, while also still keeping him there and close. because really, as much as charles is enjoying lying here like this, junpei's still not close enough —
so it is with a soft sigh that he turns, and before he actually moves away, he just kind of tucks his face against junpei's side, breathing in, out; and then he's pushing himself up (with a wince, yes), shifting onto his side, injured side up, until he's made enough space for junpei to lie down next to him. then, with a tug to their joined hands, he motions for junpei to move. ]
C'mon, on your back, [ he says — or perhaps mumbles is more accurate — his eyes with a somewhat hazy look in them; as soon as junpei's done as instructed, charles slides one of his arms under his neck so junpei can rest his head there, and then he hooks his elbow so he can hold him, moving their joined hands to rest on junpei's chest. the overall effect is not too far from charles having wrapped him up like a koala, especially with the way he then tilts his head down, rests his forehead against the side of junpei's face.
with his eyes closed and mouth tilted into a small, pleased smile, ] This's better.
[He's absolutely far too endearing like this, and Junpei nearly has to literally bite his own tongue to keep from saying as much, like there's a spell in the room and if he acknowledges it head-on, it's going to break. That doesn't make sense, not really— he and Charles have been close for months, and they've well established that the two of them together are a safe place, that this kind of thing is... just how they are, and yet! On his bed! The bed means things! Junpei brought them here himself, and yet!!
He's content to watch Charles move and to follow suit when he's directed (and he pointedly doesn't linger on Charles telling him to get on his back, good god - maybe for an extra second, but just that); there isn't even any time to wonder what to do with himself, really, with how efficiently Charles wraps around him. All of Junpei feels warmer at once, and it takes only a moment for the tautness in him to recede, cresting the hill of "don't fuck it up" and allowing him to relax into Charles' koala embrace. There is... so much of him, which Junpei is finding just as delightful horizontally as vertically.
(Down at the foot of the bed, Gab crawls onto one of his legs and settles in to sleep; he will be here forever.)
Junpei covers their joined hands with his free one and sort of tilts his head into Charles, just a little. It's not insistent enough to be outright nuzzling, but it's an affectionate movement all the same. He's so far gone, but even with his current view of Charles' arm and the ceiling and a bit of curly hair, Junpei feels like he's floating.]
I, uh, I really missed you, [he says, because for some reason being this close makes him keenly aware of how far apart they've been, go figure.] But I can tell you about all the things in the house Gab tried to eat while you were away...
[ in turn, charles does in fact tilt his face in a way that can be called nuzzling, brushing the tip of his nose against junpei's temple, making a soft noise at the back of his throat as he gives their joined hands a squeeze.
and though for a moment it seems like he's too out of it to talk, he whispers, quiet and sweet, ] Missed you, too.
[ but then he falls silent, letting junpei's voice wash over him as he talks about gab's eating adventures — and surely if he was capable of sleeping, he'd fall asleep just like this, fully relaxed and content.
except it seems that he does fall asleep, impossible though it is — the next time his mind swims back into awareness, as he blinks his eyes open blearily, it takes him a moment to register the room as junpei's bedroom, and then another moment for the fact that he's holding him in his arms to sink in.
oh, bloody hell. he remembers it all, now, and he can't help but feel a tad bit embarrassed over his own behaviour; but there's not long to dwell on that, not when the fact he'd somehow lost consciousness has to mean something. only... he glances down; sometime during whatever has happened, they've moved so that junpei has his back pressed against charles' chest, his head still resting over charles' arm while his other is thrown over his waist, their hands still holding each other’s, and —
the first thing charles thinks of is that junpei fits in his arms very, very nicely.
the second thing he thinks is that his side no longer hurts.
the third thought is him trying very hard not to think about anything else, at all. which is why he leans forward and says, as softly as he can, ]
Junpei? [ as much as he thinks his dignity would make it out of this more intact if he could simply get up now on his own, well, both his arm and hand are held hostage, so waking junpei is his only option. ]
[It's possible, maybe even likely, that Junpei falls asleep before the whole world blinks. Gab has tried to eat this very long list of things, and he's just filling the air for Charles' sake, but he's so very comfortable like this that the relief buzzing through him has finally settled into tiredness— so, yeah, very possible that Junpei dozes off in earnest before the whole thing resets.
To stir once more and find he's somehow migrated into being the little spoon, well, that's just- that's just what's happening, isn't it? He wiggles a foot first- Gab check, Gab has left them for his own dog bed- then turns over to look at Charles, right after he rubs his free hand over his face to wake up more quickly. The sluggishness of a surprise nap, ugh—
But he's greeted with this particular view of Charles up close, still wrapped around him and mesmerizingly sleep-tousled (how? worth repeating-), and, huh. Huh!
He could get used to this, Junpei thinks, and he's not shaken the sleep off enough to feel embarrassed. No, all he has the capacity for in this state is open fondness and the lingering confusion of waking from an unplanned sleep— one much more prominent than the other.
Not for the first time- today, even- he thinks about just tilting that much further towards Charles and kissing him like he should have days ago, when the world really was (theoretically) ending, but instead,]
Hi.
[And he'd be content to leave it at that masterwork and simply admire Charles from this close, think all the saccharine, sentimental things they think in all those big, classic romances - did Ovid ever write letters about the crinkle at the corners of the eyes in every smile, Junpei wonders, the kind that could undo him in a fraction of a second? Maybe he could ask when he's done looking.
But the memory of a world outside his bedroom brings him back down to earth, and he glances away from Charles' face towards where the arrow had hit.]
Are you doing better now? There's not, like... ghost tetanus, is there?
[ now, he's seen junpei drunk before, and somewhat sleepy, too, so charles thinks he's well prepared to face this. and yet, when junpei turns to him, hair adorably messy and his expression soft and open with the last vestiges of sleep still clinging to him, well — it's not unfair to say that he feels akin to having been punched in the gut, drawing in a breath like that alone could fortify him against the sight of a sleepy junpei. and then he keeps looking at him like that, which makes his chest flutter dangerously and his head duck in a wave of something like shyness, and oh, that is unfair, how much fondness he's able to fit in his pretty eyes — ]
Hey, [ he says back, in that not-quite-a-whisper that people use when they've just woken up, and his great plan of not looking at junpei is thwarted when he lifts his head almost involuntarily, unwilling to miss even a second of this, even if it means his heart is in danger of bursting open.
slowly, he untangles their hands, so he can lift his and card his fingers through junpei's hair, smiling at him with pure adoration, hoping for a moment that he could just pause time, right here, commit this sight to memory. and yet, he doesn't want to have this only in his memory — if he could start every day like this, he wouldn't mind that, at all.
the question is almost a surprise, because in this quiet moment, he's forgotten all about his shock over his own brief state of unconsciousness, forgotten about the world and the reset and everything; it shows, too, in the way he blinks like he has to center himself, in the way it takes him a second or two to tear his eyes away from junpei, to glance to where the arrow had hit him a day ago. ]
I'm fine. Really, [ he adds, reassuringly, he isn't just saying it this time. ] Can't even feel it. [ a pause, and he looks around them. ] You think...
[ he trails off, but the rest of the sentence is pretty clear. because if he'd really been unconscious, then — something must have happened, and yet the room looks the same as it did a few hours ago. ]
[It's lucky that Charles touches on the subject of something happening when he does, because the way he blinks like for a moment he doesn't know what Junpei is talking about, the arrow wound, is— well, Junpei hasn't been able to shift across timelines since finding himself in Aldrip, but for a second he has to wonder what if. What if the reset was actually disastrous, what if the Aldrip they've been living in all this time really did crumble into nothing, and his ability finally decided to kick in - it is, after all, "activated" by mortal danger - and he's shifted straight out of there into a different Aldrip, where nothing had ever glitched out and gone wrong? He loves Charles, and it stands to reason that he would love any iteration of him he happens to meet, but the thought of his Charles being deleted from existence or something, of the other version of himself never waking up— well!
It's lucky that Charles centers himself, because that centers Junpei in turn, and the stomach-lurching terror of the last handful of seconds fades away into the remnants of an adrenaline rush, and he huffs out a small sigh. He's good, although since he hasn't shifted anywhere, he must directly acknowledge the way Charles looks at him, the way his first move isn't to pull away but to touch him with so much earnest affection that Junpei thinks he might drown in it, and, ah...
Can they skip matters of the world, today, please? He knows they can't; he knows it and he sighs again and leans forward to sigh a third time into Charles' shoulder, exhausted already by whatever this day has to throw at them. He would rather stay here, content and warm and... cared for, but of course, they're going to have to get up eventually.]
Good, [he says, still to Charles' shoulder, and blindly reaches up to pat him on the cheek,] No more field trips for a while.
[And, fine, now he will pick his head up, giving Charles a look that says quite plainly that he super doesn't want to go out and investigate, but it's time to do just that.]
We're still here, so... It worked? [He shifts just a little, to push up on his elbow and crane to see Gab, yep, Gab is still here (and, oops, he forgot about the literal boar, Richard will probably stab him)— so. Hm.] Should we go see what it's like out there...?
[ the three rapid sighs one after the other make charles turn his head and look at back junpei, an are you okay at the tip of his tongue, except the words never have time to be spoken as junpei then leans his head against his shoulder, and charles — well, what else is there to do but to wrap his arms around him and just hold him there, gentle and yet decisive enough to betray the fact he'd hold him like this forever if he could.
the pat on his cheek makes him chuckle, and he has to suppress the urge to grab junpei's hand and turn his head just a little, to press a kiss to his palm — and hell but this is starting to get unbearable, unsustainable, the way he feels far, far too much to suppress it effectively anymore. ]
Yeah, definitely not. [ his voice is — a bit rough, there, like the words are catching in his throat; but he manages, and manages a smile, too, when junpei finally lifts his head and looks at him... though the look he gets, the one that's at once against going out and yet suggesting it at the same time, it makes him make a face of his own. ]
Guess it did. And we should. [ should, but he doesn't want to... but fine, fine! they can't stay here, can they? it is with a sigh of his own that he actually pushes himself up, too, finally able to move his other arm as junpei's no longer lying on it. ]
... Right. I swear, if it's some kind of white void there, I'm coming right back inside. [ no shade to ketsora, but he's had enough of white voids recently, thankyouverymuch. it's with this grumbling that he actually gets up, though, running a hand through his hair and rounding the bed, stopping to crouch down to pet gab in relief that he's still around and alright, too.
he waits for junpei by the door, and only pushes it open when they're both ready to face whatever's on the other side — except, well, once it's open... it's abundantly obvious that the answer to "what is it like out there" is "the same as always" — minus the glitches, which have been obvious enough lately than just a few minutes out there makes it clear that they're no longer happening. ]
Well, [ charles says, a little bit incredulous and a little more relieved, ] I guess... it did work, then. Sure seems like things're stable to me.
[For his part, Junpei actually flops right back down as Charles moves to get up. He really doesn't want to go anywhere, he'd rather lay right here and watch Charles roam around and pet Gab, almost as if this is an ordinary daily routine and not going out to check on the not-pocalypse. So give him an extra minute, then he'll roll himself out of bed and onto his feet. He'll make a quick pit stop in the kitchen to get Gab a little treat, and another stop to find his shoes, and now he's stalling, so— okay.
The rest of the world. Here goes.
...It seems perfectly normal. Like it really did work...]
Yeah... looks like it. Let's walk around, just to be sure.
[And he doesn't ask or hesitate, simply reaches over to take Charles' hand and tug, setting off for the center of town. And the town looks, well, just as normal as ever - even more so! Passing a few locals who give them the cold shoulder notwithstanding, although Junpei doesn't have the energy yet to worry about that. The world is still here, so if nothing else, Charles getting hurt as badly as he did wasn't for nothing... He did still get hurt, and thinking about that makes Junpei think about a dozen worst-case scenarios, despite himself.
Maybe if the world was a little wrong, it would be easier to focus on that. He should feel better, right? Relieved, or something? And he does, of course, but he feels like he could feel... more. And he knows where the lingering doubt is coming from, and that time is never guaranteed, so, alright, fuck it—time to muddle through it.]
Well, the world not ending is a pretty good thing, but, uh... it could have. I mean, do you ever think about... other things you could have done?
[ charles, of course, would give him as many minutes as he needs — the longer junpei stalls, though, the more his fond look is overshadowed by the lingering concern from before, and it doesn't dissipate even as they walk outside, not even when junpei simply takes his hand and starts to tug him through the streets towards central aldrip.
for his part, he ignores the locals completely; perhaps on a normal day, he'd note the way the looks they're getting are distinctly more unfriendly than before, but he doesn't have the presence of mind for that right now. instead, he looks around a little half-heartedly, and every few seconds his eyes shift to look at junpei, to try and glean what he's thinking simply from his expression... and though he usually finds him pretty easy to read, well, perhaps that's just one more thing that's strange about today. instead of relieved, it is as if something weighs on him, and all charles can think to do is squeeze his hand in reassurance, even when he doesn't really know what he's reassuring him of, here.
the question makes him blink; is that what this is about? what-ifs? the fact that things could have gone far, far worse, and it's only due to luck that they didn't? maybe — and if it was anyone else asking, he would shake his head, say of course not, say what's the point of thinking about things that didn't happen... but it's junpei, the only person capable of drawing actual honesty from him because charles loves him far too much to lie to him, not even when he wishes he could. ]
Yeah, of course I do. It's like regrets, innit? If we hadn't managed the reset... or if things in Ketsora had ended differently. Do I wish I'd done something that I didn't?
[ he ducks his head, smiling despite it all, though there's a distinctly sad edge to his smile as he lifts his gaze, fixes it on junpei. ] I shouldn't have left. I don't — I mean, I don't regret helping out. But that's not where I should've been.
[ because when it comes right down to it — that is what he regrets, what he wishes he had done differently: junpei means more to him than anything or anyone in this place, and just like he'd left him to deal with the end of the gnos infection on his own, he'd left him alone this time, too. the words they'd exchanged over the network could well have been their last ones. and he's not quite sure he can entirely forgive himself for that. ]
From now on, I promise I'll stick with you, yeah? Unless you don't want me to.
[Oh, and Junpei isn't exactly prepared for Charles to have a whole answer - not that it's a bad thing at all, but he'd expected maybe a "hmm, yeah!" and to be able to keep stumbling his way through this. Leave it to Charles to unbalance him with sweet words right now. Junpei slows to a stop just to look at him, already abandoning the plan to investigate the city; that can wait. This, he thinks, has waited long enough.
He shakes his head. Charles blaming himself for going off to the terminals, again, still - much as he'd like to assure him that it's fine, it's already done and passed, well, they're literally talking about doing things differently, huh? He doesn't, like, begrudge Charles his choice to help out, he's pretty sure he said that days ago, but that is kind of the impetus for this conversation, now.]
It's not just that. But come on, of course I want us to stick together. You don't need to ask about that.
[He gives Charles' hand a squeeze and then looks aside, down the street, as talking about this is nerve-wracking enough without Charles' sad little smile kicking him in the chest a dozen times.]
But... I mean, I've gone to other timelines to try and fix things, but I don't think that's... It's stupid, I guess? I think we've got this one, right now, and there isn't a magical second chance swap option, so, uh, shit.
[Give him a second. Ignore the blush creeping its way up to his ears. That's normal, that's fine. Hold on.]
I just mean... You were out there, and I kept thinking about, you know, doing things another way, and I didn't want to mess up your whole mission thing. And now everything's just completely fine? Like, what the hell? And I can't stop thinking about it, so here we go: I'm in love with you.
[This he emphasizes with, of all things, a little jazz hand with his free one, like, tada! He's going to burst into flame at any moment, he feels like, but there it is.]
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yeah, that's what i'm doing.
[Not like he has a choice, all things considered. At least he has this to de-stress-]
don't keep me waiting too long.
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[ and maybe that's too earnest of a response — but he can't answer any differently, not when the last thing he wants in the world is to keep junpei waiting at all. though the idea that he is waiting for him specifically, actually, that's... well. that's something that makes him feel the kind of way he might if he still was capable of feeling his whole face flush red, all the while making his heart feel stupidly light.
but then the others are signaling that it's time to go, and he needs to cut this short. ]
i gotta go now, but i'll see you soon. give gab a hug for me.
[ and then he pockets his tablet... and is promptly unable to check it for the next day or so, what with everything in ketsora going to hell in a handbasket real fast, an iron-tipped arrow burrowed into his side until jinx saves him for the second time — and the beach isn't much better, with a dead girl on the ground and scott on actual fire and then his time going to tinkering with the terminal —
well. all this to say, he doesn't take much time to actually rest, nor recover, and by the time the terminal is back-upped and the reset performed, his side is aching very badly; not that that's enough to deter him from setting up the mirror, saying bye to the others and then quite simply stepping through it and emerging from the mirror in junpei's house.
and he intends to say something, to announce that he's back — but the relief of it all being over crashes over him instantly, and though his all-black clothes hide the wound and the blood on his side well enough, he's not taken a moment of rest since being hurt badly enough to incapacitate him completely... so it's perhaps no wonder all he manages is to stagger forward a few steps, dropping his backpack onto the floor with a clattering sound.
he did make it back, though, right? he kept his promise. that's what matters. ]
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[And that's that, and Junpei would be lying if he said he wasn't expecting another message before seeing Charles again, all things considered. Another message would be enough to reassure him that everything went fine, even if it was more horse nonsense - especially if it was more horse nonsense. But there isn't one, and every so often he checks just in case he didn't hear the notification come, and every time he frowns and lingers over i'd never with a little more worry coiling around his chest.
It's probably fine. It has to be fine, right? The world hasn't dissolved or anything around him in the meantime, so it has to be okay.
He tells himself that and he pretends he believes it, and he's checking the tablet so incessantly that the clattering from the other side of the house, where the mirror is, makes him jump. That is a non-standard Charles entrance if he's ever heard one, so he's up and moving in the next heartbeat, quite literally sliding into view in his socks like a very stressed out Risky Business redux—]
Charles— Whoa, what happened? Are you okay? [He can't see anything immediately grievously wrong, but boy, does Charles look rough-] Holy shit, come here.
[—to lean on his shoulder, specifically, before he drops like Junpei is a little worried he might.]
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and yet, when his eyes land on junpei, he breaks into a smile like every single thing that's wrong in the world has suddenly been made right. ] Junpei.
[ that's all he says, for a few moments, just his name paired with that look of undisguised affection and relief. ]
I'm — [ he does as instructed, leaning his weight on junpei and intending to reassure him that he's doing fine, really, except the movement has him wincing as he presses his hand against his side. ]
It wasn't, [ it wasn't my fault, except let him take a breath, ] I tried, yeah? I promise I tried. But they had iron arrows. It could... have been worse.
[ it very nearly was worse, so much worse, but he doesn't intend to ever let junpei know just how close of a call it was. ]
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Who the fuck is they? [he says, first, because they both so carefully avoided the details of where Charles was going, it didn't even occur to Junpei that there would be armed foes out there. Then,] —Shut up for a second and come on.
[They're going to move, and he keeps an eye on Charles the whole time in case he's flinching too much to go on, but the goal is to get to his bedroom and get Charles laid down there, instead of crowded up on the too-small couch. Junpei will hear all of his I trieds and could have been worses again in a minute or so, when he's satisfied that Charles isn't going to, to, to pass out on him, or something? He doesn't know how to do first aid very well in the first place, let alone on a ghost.
So it's off to the bed, a short walk luckily in his little house, and he murmurs a handful of come ons and let's gos on the way, mostly so Charles doesn't feel like he has to keep filling the air with his apologies. He's here, he's back, that is enough for Junpei right now.
Gab is on the bed; the dog perks up and then whines at the sight of Charles, coming over to snuffle at him when he's settled. Junpei lingers at the side of the bed, torn between the crashing wave of relief that Charles is back and the nearly physical itch to go find a first aid kit and ghost-ify it somehow? He'd figure it out?? Ack.]
What do I-? What do you need? You've been grabbing your side this whole time, so no bullshit.
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when they get to the bedroom, charles smiles again at the sight of gab, muttering a quiet sorry and reaching his hand out for him to sniff before giving him a few scritches.
but then he realises his hand is needed elsewhere; namely, the second he thinks junpei might try and leave, even if it's with good intentions, he can't help but extend his hand so he can take junpei's in his, hold him there with a little tug towards the bed. ]
You, [ he says then, quiet and honest, as much an answer as it is the start to a sentence, ] You can't... do anything. The arrow's out, the wound just needs to heal, it'll do that on its own as long as I —
[ he tries to shrug, but the movement has him grimacing again, and he doesn't finish the sentence, but it's pretty obvious he means he just needs rest.
and so he says, with his eyes large and pleading, ]
Stay. Don't go anywhere.
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Then Charles has his hand, and he says you and Junpei's heart flips, and then you can't do anything and it flips back the other way, just to keep him grounded, he supposes. That's another what the fuck, in his opinion, because whoever invented the rules for spectral first aid is a real prick— Junpei makes a face, frustrated at his own inability to do anything, to speed this process along, and squeezes Charles' hand.]
Okay, I'm not. [Don't give him that look, his heart's going to burst, it'll be really embarrassing-] Just - scoot over, then you don't have to move anymore, I promise.
[Do scoot though, so he can claim a corner of the bed to sit on, settling cross-legged and after a split-second decision, giving his own leg a significant pat. Come here, rest, ghost-nap, whatever works. He's staying. Now that they're together again he feels much less frayed than he has for the past few days - chalk it up to his, hm, unique experiences, but he's much better at handling a crisis with the right company.
Not that everything is as it should be... His gaze drifts to the spot Charles had been holding later, the wound he can't quite see, and he frowns. More than anything he's grateful Charles made it back at all, but he's going to wonder, so,]
You wanna tell me what happened, or...?
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with another slow exhale, he lets his overcoat flicker out of existence, then his bomber jacket, leaving him in just the black polo shirt — and without the extra fabric covering them up, the tears in his shirt are more visible, the stains that can only be dried blood, with the jagged edges of an arrow wound blackened, almost burnt-looking, peeking from underneath. ]
Took an iron-tipped arrow to the side, [ comes his answer, a little self-deprecating and succinct. ]
Ketsora's a fortress. Like, walls and archers on top and all that, and they're not keen on outsiders, yeah? So we had to [ he pauses, swallows, ] create a distraction. They weren't supposed to have anything that could hit me.
[ and, well, here's the result. and because he knows, he knows what this sounds like, ] We had to let the younger Peter and Gwen sneak in, they were the experts on this whole reset thing, and Shinji's the only one who'd been there before, so he showed them the way in. The older Peter and I stayed behind. And he — he took far worse hits so I wouldn't, so. [ so!! him getting hurt was an accident, and then peter actually ensured he wasn't hurt any worse. which he feels terrible about but it's fine!
anyway, ] And then the portal threw me at the beach, a lot of shit had gone down there when I got there, and I ended up helping with the terminal... [ hence the lack of a message. and no, he's not explicitly saying he never once stopped to rest or take care of his wound or do anything about it at all, but he's also not not saying that. ]
I came as soon as we were done. [ a pause. ] Sorry it took me this long.
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But all of that is set dressing, really. All of that is good to know, and he is listening and will remember, but all of that is secondary to what happened to Charles. Junpei waits until he's settled, shed layers and all, before running his fingers through Charles' hair the same way Charles has done for him plenty of times, repetitive, comforting (he hopes). But his gaze lingers on the torn shirt and the glimpse of the wound beneath, and he swallows around the bitter taste of you can't do anything a second time.]
Hey, come on, don't do that, [he says, soft and low,] You made it back.
[Junpei sat around for a few days doing nothing! He's fine! Charles doesn't owe him this apology, or any apology, except maybe for the things he isn't saying in the middle there— throwing himself into danger, not taking care of himself... Make no mistake: Junpei continues to find these behaviors upsetting, hypocrite that he is, but is he going to yell and scold about it? No, of course not.
(And that, of course, is because he's a hypocrite about this; he's been there, he's done this, and it has never once made him feel better to be told he fucked up real bad, period, no discussion. So, no, he's not going to scold.)
And, alright, maybe he should ask something about the terminal, the fate of the world, the others who were there— but, well! That's still secondary, admittedly. He spends a quiet moment carding his fingers through Charles' hair in silence, considering, then just as soft and quiet,]
Think you can make me another promise? Take better care of yourself, next time...? I'll promise too.
[He can't stay home and sulk every time—]
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[ and then he blinks his eyes open, sharp and sudden, because shit, he didn't mean to say that — but he did, and he can't take it back, so he hastens to add, ] But then Jinx showed up. I owe her twice over, now. [ she'd been there for him when he was reliving his death, and then now prevented him from experiencing an entirely new one.
in the end, maybe it doesn't matter, what could have happened; not when it didn't, not when he's here, now. he did make it back, and he has no intentions of leaving again. with a sigh, he lets his eyes fall closed for a second, two, three, before junpei's voice makes him open them again and tilt his head so he can gaze at him, the look he gives him soft and tender in the way he only ever directs at junpei and no one else. ]
... Yeah. Yeah, I promise. [ a moment passes where he simply keeps looking at junpei, and then, ]
But next time, I won't leave you. Either we both stay, or we both go, yeah? Cause I don't ever wanna do this again. [ 'this' meaning 'be apart for days at a time'. ]
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[Coupled with a raised eyebrow as if to say, see, that's why they have to make this promise. Self-preservation is too difficult, too often, therefore... Well, this. He shakes his head lightly.]
Maybe I'll send her a gift basket or something. You think she likes fruit?
[Levity, but he'll at least thank her, when things blow over. When it's settled and Charles doesn't have a burn-festering arrow puncture in his side, then Junpei can think about reaching out to, hm, anyone else.
...And here he goes, agreeing to play the hero again (at least, to the option, which counts), but for Charles? It's not even a question.]
Yeah. Neither do I. Wouldn't say no to less bullshit happening around here, but... yeah, it's you and me.
[He holds up his other hand— it's pinky promise time again, which will shift into simply holding Charles' hand afterwards. Of course.]
So, uh... [He falters, the dozen or so things he wants to say all clamoring and tripping over each other, buoyed further by the high of Charles being back and safe and looking at him like that, jeez... So, he manages, clearing his throat,] How long does this healing thing take?
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Think she might. [ truthfully, jinx seems more like a sweets person to him, but that's not really the point here.
the point, it turns out, is junpei saying it's you and me and holding out his pinky for another promise and charles — fucking hell, charles loves him so much his heart might just burst, so much it actually hurts more than the bloody arrow wound, and once the promise is made and their hands are simply holding onto each other again, he looks at them instead of at junpei because he knows that if he doesn't distract himself, somehow, he's going to go and discard every good reason he's thought of to not speak of his feelings at all and pour them all out, reach into his chest and drop his spectral heart into junpei's hands.
he exhales, once, very carefully. okay, he can — he can do this. he can be normal about this, can't he? and talking about ghost healing, yeah, that's a nice distraction. ]
Oh, uh, not too long? It started healing the second the iron was out, but I need to, you know, have a good and proper rest for it to work. So it's been pretty slow until now, but I reckon a few hours and I'll be able to move round without it hurting.
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But, right, holding Charles' hand and fretting over his literal arrow wound, he's focused on that. He makes a face at "the second the iron was out," because just the look of the wound that he can see through that hole in the shirt is rough already, and the mental image is... ugh. Unsettling.]
Okay. Yeah, sounds good. I'm not going anywhere, so...
[He shrugs; Charles is literally lying in his lap, so obviously he's not going anywhere, but now that a few hours are on the table it feels like it's good to confirm. The next impasse, of course, is how badly he wants to talk to Charles to make up for the past few days, and on another level, to slide right down there and hold him close, but the healing process-!!]
Do you need to, I dunno... pretend to sleep? I don't want to mess it up by running my mouth, or anything.
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he mutters a quiet good when junpei confirms that he's staying, and then, when he worries about disturbing his rest, he tries to shake his head to counter that idea, except he's still lying with his head in his lap, and the motion just ends up with him sort of half-burying his face in junpei's thigh, which, hm —
on second thought, maybe he can just say it out loud, ]
You wouldn't. I like listening to you talk. [ it's one more for the ever-growing tally of should-be embarrassing things that charles says entirely earnestly. and it's true, too — he's missed listening to junpei in the past days, and while he thinks it's possible he may zone out as he rests, junpei talking won't interfere with that in any way; if anything, his voice makes things better, not worse.
with a considering tilt of his head, charles turns a little so he can meet his eyes again, something that still feels a touch perilous, but he'll manage, somehow. ] But if you're gonna be here for the whole two hours, your legs're gonna start hurting in twenty minutes or so.
[ what he should say is so i should move and you should stretch your legs; what comes out is, ] So... lie down with me?
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He says,] Oh, [because that's a very salient point about his legs, but he doesn't want to keep jostling Charles around when he's injured, and isn't lying down with him kind of... well.
He really, desperately wants to, is the thing, but god if he knows how to be normal about it.]
Good idea. You're the patient, so you go first, and... just tell me where you want me.
[Not that he's letting go of Charles' hand for this. That's immaterial.]
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it's also not his fault that that means he's not exactly thinking straight (ha) about this whole thing; on a normal day, he'd have sense enough to not suggest this, or at least he'd be more mindful of the implications... but right now, it just seems like a great idea to save junpei from the horror of needles in his legs, while also still keeping him there and close. because really, as much as charles is enjoying lying here like this, junpei's still not close enough —
so it is with a soft sigh that he turns, and before he actually moves away, he just kind of tucks his face against junpei's side, breathing in, out; and then he's pushing himself up (with a wince, yes), shifting onto his side, injured side up, until he's made enough space for junpei to lie down next to him. then, with a tug to their joined hands, he motions for junpei to move. ]
C'mon, on your back, [ he says — or perhaps mumbles is more accurate — his eyes with a somewhat hazy look in them; as soon as junpei's done as instructed, charles slides one of his arms under his neck so junpei can rest his head there, and then he hooks his elbow so he can hold him, moving their joined hands to rest on junpei's chest. the overall effect is not too far from charles having wrapped him up like a koala, especially with the way he then tilts his head down, rests his forehead against the side of junpei's face.
with his eyes closed and mouth tilted into a small, pleased smile, ] This's better.
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He's content to watch Charles move and to follow suit when he's directed (and he pointedly doesn't linger on Charles telling him to get on his back, good god - maybe for an extra second, but just that); there isn't even any time to wonder what to do with himself, really, with how efficiently Charles wraps around him. All of Junpei feels warmer at once, and it takes only a moment for the tautness in him to recede, cresting the hill of "don't fuck it up" and allowing him to relax into Charles' koala embrace. There is... so much of him, which Junpei is finding just as delightful horizontally as vertically.
(Down at the foot of the bed, Gab crawls onto one of his legs and settles in to sleep; he will be here forever.)
Junpei covers their joined hands with his free one and sort of tilts his head into Charles, just a little. It's not insistent enough to be outright nuzzling, but it's an affectionate movement all the same. He's so far gone, but even with his current view of Charles' arm and the ceiling and a bit of curly hair, Junpei feels like he's floating.]
I, uh, I really missed you, [he says, because for some reason being this close makes him keenly aware of how far apart they've been, go figure.] But I can tell you about all the things in the house Gab tried to eat while you were away...
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and though for a moment it seems like he's too out of it to talk, he whispers, quiet and sweet, ] Missed you, too.
[ but then he falls silent, letting junpei's voice wash over him as he talks about gab's eating adventures — and surely if he was capable of sleeping, he'd fall asleep just like this, fully relaxed and content.
except it seems that he does fall asleep, impossible though it is — the next time his mind swims back into awareness, as he blinks his eyes open blearily, it takes him a moment to register the room as junpei's bedroom, and then another moment for the fact that he's holding him in his arms to sink in.
oh, bloody hell. he remembers it all, now, and he can't help but feel a tad bit embarrassed over his own behaviour; but there's not long to dwell on that, not when the fact he'd somehow lost consciousness has to mean something. only... he glances down; sometime during whatever has happened, they've moved so that junpei has his back pressed against charles' chest, his head still resting over charles' arm while his other is thrown over his waist, their hands still holding each other’s, and —
the first thing charles thinks of is that junpei fits in his arms very, very nicely.
the second thing he thinks is that his side no longer hurts.
the third thought is him trying very hard not to think about anything else, at all. which is why he leans forward and says, as softly as he can, ]
Junpei? [ as much as he thinks his dignity would make it out of this more intact if he could simply get up now on his own, well, both his arm and hand are held hostage, so waking junpei is his only option. ]
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To stir once more and find he's somehow migrated into being the little spoon, well, that's just- that's just what's happening, isn't it? He wiggles a foot first- Gab check, Gab has left them for his own dog bed- then turns over to look at Charles, right after he rubs his free hand over his face to wake up more quickly. The sluggishness of a surprise nap, ugh—
But he's greeted with this particular view of Charles up close, still wrapped around him and mesmerizingly sleep-tousled (how? worth repeating-), and, huh. Huh!
He could get used to this, Junpei thinks, and he's not shaken the sleep off enough to feel embarrassed. No, all he has the capacity for in this state is open fondness and the lingering confusion of waking from an unplanned sleep— one much more prominent than the other.
Not for the first time- today, even- he thinks about just tilting that much further towards Charles and kissing him like he should have days ago, when the world really was (theoretically) ending, but instead,]
Hi.
[And he'd be content to leave it at that masterwork and simply admire Charles from this close, think all the saccharine, sentimental things they think in all those big, classic romances - did Ovid ever write letters about the crinkle at the corners of the eyes in every smile, Junpei wonders, the kind that could undo him in a fraction of a second? Maybe he could ask when he's done looking.
But the memory of a world outside his bedroom brings him back down to earth, and he glances away from Charles' face towards where the arrow had hit.]
Are you doing better now? There's not, like... ghost tetanus, is there?
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Hey, [ he says back, in that not-quite-a-whisper that people use when they've just woken up, and his great plan of not looking at junpei is thwarted when he lifts his head almost involuntarily, unwilling to miss even a second of this, even if it means his heart is in danger of bursting open.
slowly, he untangles their hands, so he can lift his and card his fingers through junpei's hair, smiling at him with pure adoration, hoping for a moment that he could just pause time, right here, commit this sight to memory. and yet, he doesn't want to have this only in his memory — if he could start every day like this, he wouldn't mind that, at all.
the question is almost a surprise, because in this quiet moment, he's forgotten all about his shock over his own brief state of unconsciousness, forgotten about the world and the reset and everything; it shows, too, in the way he blinks like he has to center himself, in the way it takes him a second or two to tear his eyes away from junpei, to glance to where the arrow had hit him a day ago. ]
I'm fine. Really, [ he adds, reassuringly, he isn't just saying it this time. ] Can't even feel it. [ a pause, and he looks around them. ] You think...
[ he trails off, but the rest of the sentence is pretty clear. because if he'd really been unconscious, then — something must have happened, and yet the room looks the same as it did a few hours ago. ]
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It's lucky that Charles centers himself, because that centers Junpei in turn, and the stomach-lurching terror of the last handful of seconds fades away into the remnants of an adrenaline rush, and he huffs out a small sigh. He's good, although since he hasn't shifted anywhere, he must directly acknowledge the way Charles looks at him, the way his first move isn't to pull away but to touch him with so much earnest affection that Junpei thinks he might drown in it, and, ah...
Can they skip matters of the world, today, please? He knows they can't; he knows it and he sighs again and leans forward to sigh a third time into Charles' shoulder, exhausted already by whatever this day has to throw at them. He would rather stay here, content and warm and... cared for, but of course, they're going to have to get up eventually.]
Good, [he says, still to Charles' shoulder, and blindly reaches up to pat him on the cheek,] No more field trips for a while.
[And, fine, now he will pick his head up, giving Charles a look that says quite plainly that he super doesn't want to go out and investigate, but it's time to do just that.]
We're still here, so... It worked? [He shifts just a little, to push up on his elbow and crane to see Gab, yep, Gab is still here (and, oops, he forgot about the literal boar, Richard will probably stab him)— so. Hm.] Should we go see what it's like out there...?
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the pat on his cheek makes him chuckle, and he has to suppress the urge to grab junpei's hand and turn his head just a little, to press a kiss to his palm — and hell but this is starting to get unbearable, unsustainable, the way he feels far, far too much to suppress it effectively anymore. ]
Yeah, definitely not. [ his voice is — a bit rough, there, like the words are catching in his throat; but he manages, and manages a smile, too, when junpei finally lifts his head and looks at him... though the look he gets, the one that's at once against going out and yet suggesting it at the same time, it makes him make a face of his own. ]
Guess it did. And we should. [ should, but he doesn't want to... but fine, fine! they can't stay here, can they? it is with a sigh of his own that he actually pushes himself up, too, finally able to move his other arm as junpei's no longer lying on it. ]
... Right. I swear, if it's some kind of white void there, I'm coming right back inside. [ no shade to ketsora, but he's had enough of white voids recently, thankyouverymuch. it's with this grumbling that he actually gets up, though, running a hand through his hair and rounding the bed, stopping to crouch down to pet gab in relief that he's still around and alright, too.
he waits for junpei by the door, and only pushes it open when they're both ready to face whatever's on the other side — except, well, once it's open... it's abundantly obvious that the answer to "what is it like out there" is "the same as always" — minus the glitches, which have been obvious enough lately than just a few minutes out there makes it clear that they're no longer happening. ]
Well, [ charles says, a little bit incredulous and a little more relieved, ] I guess... it did work, then. Sure seems like things're stable to me.
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The rest of the world. Here goes.
...It seems perfectly normal. Like it really did work...]
Yeah... looks like it. Let's walk around, just to be sure.
[And he doesn't ask or hesitate, simply reaches over to take Charles' hand and tug, setting off for the center of town. And the town looks, well, just as normal as ever - even more so! Passing a few locals who give them the cold shoulder notwithstanding, although Junpei doesn't have the energy yet to worry about that. The world is still here, so if nothing else, Charles getting hurt as badly as he did wasn't for nothing... He did still get hurt, and thinking about that makes Junpei think about a dozen worst-case scenarios, despite himself.
Maybe if the world was a little wrong, it would be easier to focus on that. He should feel better, right? Relieved, or something? And he does, of course, but he feels like he could feel... more. And he knows where the lingering doubt is coming from, and that time is never guaranteed, so, alright, fuck it—time to muddle through it.]
Well, the world not ending is a pretty good thing, but, uh... it could have. I mean, do you ever think about... other things you could have done?
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for his part, he ignores the locals completely; perhaps on a normal day, he'd note the way the looks they're getting are distinctly more unfriendly than before, but he doesn't have the presence of mind for that right now. instead, he looks around a little half-heartedly, and every few seconds his eyes shift to look at junpei, to try and glean what he's thinking simply from his expression... and though he usually finds him pretty easy to read, well, perhaps that's just one more thing that's strange about today. instead of relieved, it is as if something weighs on him, and all charles can think to do is squeeze his hand in reassurance, even when he doesn't really know what he's reassuring him of, here.
the question makes him blink; is that what this is about? what-ifs? the fact that things could have gone far, far worse, and it's only due to luck that they didn't? maybe — and if it was anyone else asking, he would shake his head, say of course not, say what's the point of thinking about things that didn't happen... but it's junpei, the only person capable of drawing actual honesty from him because charles loves him far too much to lie to him, not even when he wishes he could. ]
Yeah, of course I do. It's like regrets, innit? If we hadn't managed the reset... or if things in Ketsora had ended differently. Do I wish I'd done something that I didn't?
[ he ducks his head, smiling despite it all, though there's a distinctly sad edge to his smile as he lifts his gaze, fixes it on junpei. ] I shouldn't have left. I don't — I mean, I don't regret helping out. But that's not where I should've been.
[ because when it comes right down to it — that is what he regrets, what he wishes he had done differently: junpei means more to him than anything or anyone in this place, and just like he'd left him to deal with the end of the gnos infection on his own, he'd left him alone this time, too. the words they'd exchanged over the network could well have been their last ones. and he's not quite sure he can entirely forgive himself for that. ]
From now on, I promise I'll stick with you, yeah? Unless you don't want me to.
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He shakes his head. Charles blaming himself for going off to the terminals, again, still - much as he'd like to assure him that it's fine, it's already done and passed, well, they're literally talking about doing things differently, huh? He doesn't, like, begrudge Charles his choice to help out, he's pretty sure he said that days ago, but that is kind of the impetus for this conversation, now.]
It's not just that. But come on, of course I want us to stick together. You don't need to ask about that.
[He gives Charles' hand a squeeze and then looks aside, down the street, as talking about this is nerve-wracking enough without Charles' sad little smile kicking him in the chest a dozen times.]
But... I mean, I've gone to other timelines to try and fix things, but I don't think that's... It's stupid, I guess? I think we've got this one, right now, and there isn't a magical second chance swap option, so, uh, shit.
[Give him a second. Ignore the blush creeping its way up to his ears. That's normal, that's fine. Hold on.]
I just mean... You were out there, and I kept thinking about, you know, doing things another way, and I didn't want to mess up your whole mission thing. And now everything's just completely fine? Like, what the hell? And I can't stop thinking about it, so here we go: I'm in love with you.
[This he emphasizes with, of all things, a little jazz hand with his free one, like, tada! He's going to burst into flame at any moment, he feels like, but there it is.]
So, uh, is that—cool?
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