[ the way his eyes light up at this nugget of ramen broth wisdom is maybe a little silly, but his enthusiasm is entirely genuine when he squeezes junpei's hand and declares, ] Aces, then you can help so I don't muck it all up. I was told it's a whole process, but... [ but, well, he doesn't really have too many things to do, so he might as well spend some of his time perfecting specific japanese dishes.
and then he glances at the basket he almost upended in the middle of the store and winces. ] No, it's fine. Just pick whatever you want, yeah? And then we can go.
[ they've made it to the last aisle before the cash register, the one with the snacks, and the cashier is ignoring them with an attitude best described as frigid, and, well. when junpei has picked what he wants, and after charles doubles back to grab a few treats for gab, he will hold his smile steadily in place through paying for the groceries, and only lets out a sigh when they finally make it outside again. ]
Jesus. If this is how it's gonna be from now on...
[ he falls silent for a moment as they start walking back to junpei's house. ] You think my landlord's gonna be like this, too?
[ because if so... well. he can handle people he doesn't know disliking him for no reason, but people he's sort of got along with before this? wow, he hates that. ]
[Junpei hums; he'll do his best to muddle through helping with the good broth with the bones, sure. He grabs, honestly, the first bag of chips that isn't some weird flavor like sour cream and birthday cake or whatever, and spends their whole interaction with the cashier staring sourly at them, since Charles doesn't seem willing to be annoyed in public. Fuck this cashier, actually—
So it's a relief to be back outside and heading home, and hm, it seems like Charles does give a shit about the locals' behavior now, in the exact way that tugs at Junpei's heartstrings.]
Dunno... probably? Maybe they'll all collectively get over it, but I dunno.
[He doesn't have any real personal attachment to the locals himself, but hm, it would be a shame for Charles - what about that old lady, Gia? How many locals is Charles friendly with, anyway...]
You can hang out at my place if it's too awkward at yours.
[ there's a difference to it all: strangers hating him for no reason? well, that he's used to — half the people he met back when he was alive had taken one look at the biracial guy with an earring and judged him as not enough, in the best case, or treated him as something lesser in the worst one. it had grown a little less common as an occurrence in his death, but still they'd come across clients who'd died well before charles with similar attitudes. but those people, well, the one thing he refuses to do is show them that he minds it; if he's friendly and polite and not offended, then it just shows they're the ones who are wrong. the biggest fuck you he can give them is to not waver in his own friendliness, at all.
but people who he's met before? who he's gotten along with before? who he likes, at least well enough, changing their opinion of him on a dime? that's a little too close to his very real memories of his death, and though he's usually very good at hiding his apprehension, some of it bleeds through into the way he visibly tenses up when junpei says probably, the way his eyes stare at nothing for a second or two before he shakes himself back to the present with a blink.
and then he smiles, because some reflexes are just too ingrained in him to beat. ]
Nah, it's fine. I'm sure it's fine, but thanks. I just — [ he shrugs, ] Well, wouldn't want you to get sick of me, would I?
[ his tone is very light and joking, but he absolutely means it. ]
[It's impossible to miss the way Charles reacts to that, although Junpei can't quite get all way to making the proper connection. He's gotten used to it for better or for worse, being by himself, not noticing as friendships drift away; admittedly there had been less vitriol in his lost college friendships than the way the locals are treating them now, so maybe that's not a helpful comparison. Either way, he understands the part about him.
He shakes his head and grips Charles' hand tighter. The hurt of being left behind unless it's convenient? That one he knows, so no, absolutely not. When Charles isn't around he spends all his time literally waiting by the phone, even, that was only a day ago...!]
Not gonna happen. Besides, it's... [hmm. how to phrase,] I mean, you don't always have to be on, you know? Not for me. You want to come over and zone out for a while, well, my door's- uh, I guess the mirror, actually- the mirror's always open.
[And he doesn't have a landlord! Tada! His landlordless house comes into view up ahead and Junpei slows them down just a bit; it wouldn't be a huge problem to continue this conversation over curry-making, sure, but it feels better to finish it out here. Let cooking time be nothing but good memories and tasty food, actually.]
You don't have to put up with weird bullshit from anybody, so... if things get too weird, I've got your back. Okay?
[ it's impossible for him to not give junpei a warm smile at that as they slow to a stop in front of the house. ]
I know you do. [ there's not too many things he's certain of in this place, but that is one of them; even before they spoke of their feelings, charles never once doubted junpei's care for him. ]
But that goes for you, too, yeah? The being on part. I mean, and the part about having your back, but — well, the thing is, I'm used to sharing my space. But you're not, are you? So if you ever feel like you want to be alone, or just... exist quietly in the same room, you let me know. Cause I —
[ the warmth has now migrated to his eyes, too, and the tension has bled out of the line of his shoulders. ] I can't imagine ever not wanting to be around you. So if you'll have me...
[ he shrugs; then it's entirely possible he'll never leave, and he can certainly live with that. ]
[Here they go, trying to out-concession each other again. Junpei makes a brief face, like actually, he doesn't think he's ever been on in his life, which is probably his first problem— but if Charles is willing to have him even while he's in a "one cheese sandwich and six hours of doing nothing" mood, he couldn't possibly object.
There's a point in there, he's not going to deny it; Charles is right that for one reason or another he is unaccustomed to sharing his space, but Charles also makes it worth it to share, to let him in. More than he already has, all things considered...]
You're so... c'mere. [Junpei nudges the bag of groceries politely out of the way and tugs Charles' hand, leaning in (up) to kiss him, warm and deliberate. What does he say other than "holy shit I love you" a hundred times, give him a second. He lingers there, close, brow knit in a serious thoughtfulness more than anything else, and he comes up with:]
Damn, I really love you. And honestly? I don't want you to leave. [And he does a wiggly kind of shrugging thing with his shoulders, like of course Charles can come and go as he likes, but! It's the saying it that matters! Junpei steps back, reaching blindly for the door as he can't quite take his eyes off Charles until he commits yet another one of his looks to memory.
This is of course until he bonks his hand against the doorknob, swears and shoots it a glare, and alright— now they can head inside, on that prime note of smooth operating.]
—Anyway, so, cooking... I've still got that apron from lunch duty at Richard's camp thing. [wear this apron. do it for love.]
[ really, charles is willing to have him no matter his mood — that's the point about love, after all, to want someone around even when others might consider them poor company. he's never going to love junpei any less, whether he's happy and joking or angry and sharp or quiet and sad; his love isn't dependent on anything else than junpei simply being himself.
when junpei tugs on his hand, it is charles' turn to go willingly, and he kisses him back with a soft, content sigh. briefly, he wonders whether they could simply forget about the rest of the world and keep kissing, because every time they do he's reminded of the fact he's wanted it for so long and is now allowed to do it and the fact he's doing something else is an affront, frankly —
except when junpei steps back it's first with a contemplative look and then with words that leave charles' chest expanding with warmth once more, and he knows his smile is small and pleased and embarrassingly besotted... but he can't really bring himself to care. ]
Love you too, [ he says, because he can, and because he does.
and then he's biting down a laugh at the swear and the glare at the poor innocent doorknob, and they can proceed with the whole lunch plan. except — ]
Oh, bloody hell. It was cute on you, but seriously? [ what is he saying. of course seriously. it's the kind of a joke where junpei also means it, and charles stops in the middle of sorting the groceries on the kitchen counter and sighs. ]
Right, sure. Might as well.
[ so what was it about junpei being able to ask him to do anything and he'd do it... ]
[Junpei's grin brightens as they head into the kitchen, both for the love you and for Charles absolutely caving to his silly demands so very easily. He crouches down to get the apron out of where he's folded it up and stashed it in a low cabinet, and when he's straightened up Gab has come trotting in, hearing the sound of a store bag and seeking out a treat.
Junpei pauses for a moment there, struck slightly by what a huge departure this moment is from just yesterday—and yet not really all that different, if he really thinks about it. That turns his grin a shade softer, even as he's still visibly finding it hilarious to present Charles with this NO BITCHIN' apron. A token of his many affections, clearly.]
Too easy, it's like you like me or something.
[Ha ha, now duck, so he can toss the apron's neck loop over Charles' head, after which he gives the assortment of ingredients a mildly intimidated look.]
Soooo, knowing what you do about me and cooking, do you want me to help...?
[ meanwhile, charles shrugs off first his overcoat and then his jacket and takes a few steps to throw them over a chair; on the way back, he's crouching down to scratch gab behind the ears with a fond hi, buddy.
as he stands up again, he is faced with the apron (which he's still unsure of) and junpei's smile (which is still the loveliest thing he's ever seen, even when it's half at his expense) — and ha, right, the quip makes him roll his eyes... but he does duck his head and then ties the apron behind his back to hold it in place properly. ]
Course I do. [ though he adds, before junpei can be too anxious about this news, ] You're gonna help by keeping me company. Think you can do that?
[ as he reaches for the cutting board and a knife and starts peeling and chopping up vegetables, he can't help but think that all this — them, cooking lunch, gab circling their feet, it's all horribly domestic... and it makes him so, so overwhelmingly happy. ]
[Oh, good, Charles wants him to mess up the whole thing, isn't curry kind of more complicated to make than a sandwich, can't he just sit here and watch Charles be cute with Gab— oh that is the plan actually, great. He can definitely do that.]
Think I can manage...
[He'll keep Gab from getting too excited about little treats, stooping to nudge the dog away from Charles, mumbling, ("Let him work, come on, you're with me") before simply scooping up the old man and moving to the other side of the kitchen counter.
This really is domestic, isn't it? Junpei has no complaints, but huh! It's a surprise every time, in a way.]
So... tell me what you're doing? Give me the curry play-by-play.
[ he slides the chips over to junpei so he can have his pre-lunch snack if he wants to, before launching into an explanation — peeling and chopping onions, grating garlic and ginger, sautéing them all, adding cinnamon, cloves, cardamoms. the tomatoes make him launch into a surprisingly passionate speech about how you should never use canned tomatoes in a real curry (something his mom drilled into him) — then it's time to add yoghurt, more spices and the chicken.
and he can’t help but feel a little self-conscious at times about whether all this is really all that interesting, but junpei did ask, so... he keeps explaining every step, offering little details about how his mom would make the dish, how she used a specific combination of spices that had been used in the family for generations; little things to fill in the silence between his chopping and stirring.
when the curry is finally simmering under the lid, charles steps back with an exhale. ]
Right, now we just let it be for a tick. Though, hold on, [ he grabs a spoon, lifts the lid and scoops up some of the curry. ]
I can still adjust the flavour, so, taste test it for me, yeah?
[ instead of handing junpei the spoon, he'll just reach over to hold it for him. ]
[Junpei does not know, and likely will never know, this much about curry. Even when he gets around to learning to cook something properly, it probably won't be as, hm, sensitive a dish? And yet he could still listen to Charles talk about spices and chicken and the perils of canned tomatoes for hours, no questions asked. Munching on the occasional chip and listening to Charles while the smell of curry starts to fill the house - it's fucking idyllic in here. He's absolutely enthralled.]
How long's "a tick"?
[Surely there's a timer? Is there not a real timer? He's trusting in the process here, given that he wouldn't know any better.
And he rises a little off his seat to lean forward and taste that spoonful without hesitation, considering it with a thoughtful eyebrow wiggle. Does it taste better automatically because Charles fed it to him? Yes, of course it does, but in the part of his thoughts that isn't constantly rotating around Charles this and Charles that—]
Well, it's got a nice kick. Maybe... a little more garlic?
Ten minutes? Fifteen? As long as it takes for the chicken to be proper cooked.
[ soooo no. no, there's not a real timer. but he is visibly thrilled that junpei is actually taking his time to consider the taste, and gives him feedback — this way he can be sure he'll like the end result. granted, he's... well, confident is perhaps the wrong word, given that he's not made this particular dish in decades, but relatively sure that whatever he makes is edible. it's just that he wants it to be better than that. ]
Sure. Whatever you want.
[ literally whatever... except the canned tomatoes. that's where he draws the line. anyway, he minces some more garlic and mixes it into the curry, and then places the lid on it, turning the heat down so it can just bubble away on its own for a while.
then he just walks round the stove to where junpei is sitting, and wraps his arms around him from behind him, ducking his head to kiss his cheek — partly because he really, really wants to, and partly because it's still a bit surreal to him that he's actually allowed to do this, now. ]
[His boyfriend the fancy chef, wowza. He could watch Charles cook anything; it's almost a shame the glitches seem to have come to an end, if only because of that one day Charles could eat again. Is eating his cooking the next best thing? Maybe! He'll give glowing reviews, he's already decided.
When Charles comes around to hug him Junpei leans back into him automatically with a little laugh. He turns his head to catch Charles in another kiss before he straightens back up, abandoning the bag of chips entirely in favor of doling out more affection. Just catch him if he leans too far back and falls—]
I didn't know I was being graded... Now I've got to fill fifteen minutes, huh?
[Oh no, whatever shall he do.
...Well, what he wants to do is simply lean back cozily in Charles' arms, and since he can, that's what he's doing. It's still new enough to feel too good to be true, an unbelievable turn of events; he actually got the guy? The guy sees something in him worth putting time and effort into? Imagine that.
So maybe,] Stay right there?
[For fifteen whole minutes? Maybe. The whole thing's been a whirlwind, maybe they've earned fifteen minutes of uninterrupted tenderness.]
[ the laugh makes his heart execute a perfect backflip — apparently the change in their relationship status has done nothing to help the way junpei's laughter affects him, every single time. the kiss is a sweet little thing, and charles tightens his arms around junpei a tad, then, to support his weight so he can actually lean against him properly.
he hums in assent at the request, because turns out this is exactly where he wants to be, too; he crouches and tilts his head forward to tuck his face against the crook of junpei's neck, then, breathing in and out for a moment before pressing a light kiss there, before brushing his nose against the line of his neck, up and down again.
as he straightens up, he drops another kiss to junpei's temple, still cradling him in his arms as he says, with a soft kind of awe, ] I don't think I've ever been this happy.
[ it's his turn to laugh lightly, more of a chuckle than anything else — because, really, in hindsight it's somewhat hilarious that it took him so long to understand what he was feeling, especially when he thinks he's been drawn to junpei from the first moment of meeting him. and every single moment they've spent together, no matter the situation, junpei's never once failed to make him feel happy just by being there. ]
Not for nothing, but... you know I've been in love with you since that week, yeah?
[Oh, and he's kind of overwhelming when he squeezes in close again like that, although in the best possible way. Junpei chuckles again and turns his head to give Charles an affectionate nuzzle - and it is definitely a nuzzle this time - then tilts his head back to look up at him, openly besotted. It surprises him a bit how easy and comfortable it is to just be like this, without second-guessing himself or talking himself out of it. Charles makes it easy, has the whole time they've known each other - so Junpei can give him these heart eyes without shame.
But hm, what-]
Wait, which week?
[Charles was one of the first people he met here, so that's a lot of weeks to choose from, although he has a guess. But surely not that week...]
Uh, I definitely had no idea, so... oops?
[Well, he might have wondered, but then all those pesky personal problems and second guesses came back, so essentially he had no idea.]
[ the look junpei gives him makes charles feel almost warm, or as close to it as he can — and it, too, fills him with that same kind of awe, that junpei looks at him with so much love and tenderness, like he's somehow precious. and really, the only thing to do is to drop another kiss on top of his head, then, coupled with a warm smile.
and uh, yeah, actually, ]
You know what week. [ so yes, it is in fact that week. ] I know it's weird, seeing how you weren't exactly in your right mind for half of it, but the half that you were... [ well. it's shit like that that really shows what people are like, and what he saw of junpei, then — isolating himself to avoid hurting anyone, talking about his own sort-of-deaths like he didn't really matter, somehow managing to find levity in the entire situation despite it all... how could he not have loved him with his whole damn soul since then?
he tries to encompass all of this in one soft smile and a shrug. ]
It's okay, [ he says then, wryly, ] Not like I realised it either, not until after the festival. [ which is a whole another thing, and he sounds distinctly embarrassed about this. not about the fact that it took him so long to figure out his own feelings, but more that he had to have someone spell it out for him... ]
[Ah, that week after all. Junpei can't help but raise his eyebrows, surprised and a little wry; he was definitely... weird company that week, at best, so he wouldn't blame Charles for picking, like, a different week, if he wanted? But he isn't about to question it past the brief look.]
You're cute, [he says, for that week and the festival both. And just because it's true, all things considered.]
Is it my turn...?
[To put himself so on blast about taking forever to get to his dorky confession, that is. He thinks about it; honestly, he isn't entirely sure of the precise moment - he loves Charles so much and so deeply, feeling this way about him is so comfortable and real and right, he might as well have been in love since the day they met.
But let him think about it. He furrows his brow, putting on a Very Thoughtful Look for the bit of it. Hmm.]
Definitely when I got you alone in that dressing room. [hahaha-- but no, actually,] Nah, it was before that. I mean, not that you didn't look good...
I think it was probably my "birthday," [fingerquotes included,] Or at least, that's when I figured it out.
Not as cute as you, [ he fires back immediately, with a pointed yet soft smile, and god, are they going to be the i love you more kind of couple? entirely possible. gab will get cavities.
and he hadn't meant for there to be turns taken, at all, but he's not about to object, especially not as junpei seems to genuinely give it a moment of thought, even if he's playing it up a bit. and the joke gets him to laugh, even as he shakes his head, remembering the whole moment... and yeah, he can't believe he still needed someone to spell it all out for him even after that. ]
So what I'm getting is I should dress down more often. [ which he's not averse to, really, he hangs out plenty at the office in just his tank top... but right, back to the actual conversation at hand. and what he's really getting is — ]
You mean we could've been doing this all this time? [ he's maybe half serious, his tone just a little too playful for him to actually be upset that they'd danced around each other for so long, especially as... well. he squeezes his arms around junpei, hugging him closer to his chest. ]
Think it took me so long to be willing to see it 'cause I didn't believe you'd ever love me back. [ he doesn't even sound self-deprecating for this; it's just a fact. ] And when I did see it, well, didn't want to say anything, did I? But the longer time went on, it also felt right terrible that you might not know how much I love you... so I sort of figured I'd just keep showing it, and not talk about it.
[ he tips his head and presses a kiss to junpei's forehead. ] Sorry to have left it all up to you.
[Ah, they're definitely going to be that couple, that's... something. Junpei can't say he's ever expected to be that couple, and yet he's completely prepared to annoy any and all passerby about it.
In any case: he does not even bother trying to resist giving Charles a suggestive eyebrow wiggle—yes, please do dress down, he's going to snap those suspenders if it kills him—then leans his head back onto Charles' shoulder. They really could have been doing this the whole time, huh... but then, would it have been the same? Was it not just today that he himself made half of a speech about how they get one shot and there's no point in trying to change what's already happened?
So, that's fine. He shrugs.]
Was it really up to me? I mean, when you kissed me back there, I was pretty sure you knew what you were doing. [Haha. But really, this was definitely a mutual experience, in his opinion. That Charles didn't think his feelings could be reciprocated is both heartbreaking and all too relatable, just like the other thing...
Well, it's worked out so far. No complaints.]
I'm pretty much going to ride this high for, you know, forever, so... You did good.
[ the eyebrow wiggle gets him to chuckle — right, he gets the message, and will act accordingly... eventually. right now he's far too comfortable, here like this, to alter his appearance.
and really, he doesn't mind too much that it took them this long to get here; none of that time they spent together was wasted in any way, after all, not when it's all that time that brought them to this point, allowed them each to fall in love and then grow to accept it, grow used to it to the degree it became just a part of them... and he wouldn't change that even if he could. ]
Yours was the hardest part, [ he says back with a tender look, because if it had been up to him? well, he's already said as much — he would've been happy to simply keep showing his love in various ways while not saying anything about it.
somehow, incredibly, the you did good and the accompanying thumbs up just makes charles beam, his smile both sun-bright and sort of softly pleased at the same time. he turns his head and ducks down to this time press a kiss to junpei's cheek, and while there are surely many other words he could say, only three play inside his head as if on repeat. ]
I love you. [ is he ever going to get tired of just being able to say it out loud? no, absolutely not. it's still its own unique thrill, to know he can think it and doesn't have to keep it to himself. ]
[Junpei scoffs and rolls his eyes, mostly unserious given how he can't help but grin through it at the same time; he did a jazz hand, Charles, in public. People saw. That and only that he will allow the title of "hardest part," actually. Sure, in the moment it was stressful, and he still had to worry if Charles might finally think Hm, no, that's enough of this weirdo and his bullshit, but now? A whole hour later? Telling Charles how he feels is the easiest thing in the world. He'd go to the ends of the earth (or, like, C drive or whatever this place technically is?) to keep that dazzling smile, so...
Well, it's easy now. That's what counts. He twists in his seat, leaning away from Charles only enough to turn around in his arms and slide his own around Charles' waist.]
Love you, too. [See, so easy, and privately he remembers all the other things that were just as easy to say back when he promised them - to stay together, to carry each other's burdens - and feels a fresh rush of all those desires now, looking up at Charles in his dinky little kitchen.
If he looks, briefly, kind of intense about it, well! He'll probably reiterate all those other things out loud again at some point. For now he leans up into a kiss like a perfect punctuation mark on this decision he's made.
Then, looking back towards the stove,] Soooo... lunch?
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
and then he glances at the basket he almost upended in the middle of the store and winces. ] No, it's fine. Just pick whatever you want, yeah? And then we can go.
[ they've made it to the last aisle before the cash register, the one with the snacks, and the cashier is ignoring them with an attitude best described as frigid, and, well. when junpei has picked what he wants, and after charles doubles back to grab a few treats for gab, he will hold his smile steadily in place through paying for the groceries, and only lets out a sigh when they finally make it outside again. ]
Jesus. If this is how it's gonna be from now on...
[ he falls silent for a moment as they start walking back to junpei's house. ] You think my landlord's gonna be like this, too?
[ because if so... well. he can handle people he doesn't know disliking him for no reason, but people he's sort of got along with before this? wow, he hates that. ]
no subject
So it's a relief to be back outside and heading home, and hm, it seems like Charles does give a shit about the locals' behavior now, in the exact way that tugs at Junpei's heartstrings.]
Dunno... probably? Maybe they'll all collectively get over it, but I dunno.
[He doesn't have any real personal attachment to the locals himself, but hm, it would be a shame for Charles - what about that old lady, Gia? How many locals is Charles friendly with, anyway...]
You can hang out at my place if it's too awkward at yours.
no subject
but people who he's met before? who he's gotten along with before? who he likes, at least well enough, changing their opinion of him on a dime? that's a little too close to his very real memories of his death, and though he's usually very good at hiding his apprehension, some of it bleeds through into the way he visibly tenses up when junpei says probably, the way his eyes stare at nothing for a second or two before he shakes himself back to the present with a blink.
and then he smiles, because some reflexes are just too ingrained in him to beat. ]
Nah, it's fine. I'm sure it's fine, but thanks. I just — [ he shrugs, ] Well, wouldn't want you to get sick of me, would I?
[ his tone is very light and joking, but he absolutely means it. ]
no subject
He shakes his head and grips Charles' hand tighter. The hurt of being left behind unless it's convenient? That one he knows, so no, absolutely not. When Charles isn't around he spends all his time literally waiting by the phone, even, that was only a day ago...!]
Not gonna happen. Besides, it's... [hmm. how to phrase,] I mean, you don't always have to be on, you know? Not for me. You want to come over and zone out for a while, well, my door's- uh, I guess the mirror, actually- the mirror's always open.
[And he doesn't have a landlord! Tada! His landlordless house comes into view up ahead and Junpei slows them down just a bit; it wouldn't be a huge problem to continue this conversation over curry-making, sure, but it feels better to finish it out here. Let cooking time be nothing but good memories and tasty food, actually.]
You don't have to put up with weird bullshit from anybody, so... if things get too weird, I've got your back. Okay?
no subject
I know you do. [ there's not too many things he's certain of in this place, but that is one of them; even before they spoke of their feelings, charles never once doubted junpei's care for him. ]
But that goes for you, too, yeah? The being on part. I mean, and the part about having your back, but — well, the thing is, I'm used to sharing my space. But you're not, are you? So if you ever feel like you want to be alone, or just... exist quietly in the same room, you let me know. Cause I —
[ the warmth has now migrated to his eyes, too, and the tension has bled out of the line of his shoulders. ] I can't imagine ever not wanting to be around you. So if you'll have me...
[ he shrugs; then it's entirely possible he'll never leave, and he can certainly live with that. ]
no subject
There's a point in there, he's not going to deny it; Charles is right that for one reason or another he is unaccustomed to sharing his space, but Charles also makes it worth it to share, to let him in. More than he already has, all things considered...]
You're so... c'mere. [Junpei nudges the bag of groceries politely out of the way and tugs Charles' hand, leaning in (up) to kiss him, warm and deliberate. What does he say other than "holy shit I love you" a hundred times, give him a second. He lingers there, close, brow knit in a serious thoughtfulness more than anything else, and he comes up with:]
Damn, I really love you. And honestly? I don't want you to leave. [And he does a wiggly kind of shrugging thing with his shoulders, like of course Charles can come and go as he likes, but! It's the saying it that matters! Junpei steps back, reaching blindly for the door as he can't quite take his eyes off Charles until he commits yet another one of his looks to memory.
This is of course until he bonks his hand against the doorknob, swears and shoots it a glare, and alright— now they can head inside, on that prime note of smooth operating.]
—Anyway, so, cooking... I've still got that apron from lunch duty at Richard's camp thing. [wear this apron. do it for love.]
no subject
when junpei tugs on his hand, it is charles' turn to go willingly, and he kisses him back with a soft, content sigh. briefly, he wonders whether they could simply forget about the rest of the world and keep kissing, because every time they do he's reminded of the fact he's wanted it for so long and is now allowed to do it and the fact he's doing something else is an affront, frankly —
except when junpei steps back it's first with a contemplative look and then with words that leave charles' chest expanding with warmth once more, and he knows his smile is small and pleased and embarrassingly besotted... but he can't really bring himself to care. ]
Love you too, [ he says, because he can, and because he does.
and then he's biting down a laugh at the swear and the glare at the poor innocent doorknob, and they can proceed with the whole lunch plan. except — ]
Oh, bloody hell. It was cute on you, but seriously? [ what is he saying. of course seriously. it's the kind of a joke where junpei also means it, and charles stops in the middle of sorting the groceries on the kitchen counter and sighs. ]
Right, sure. Might as well.
[ so what was it about junpei being able to ask him to do anything and he'd do it... ]
no subject
Junpei pauses for a moment there, struck slightly by what a huge departure this moment is from just yesterday—and yet not really all that different, if he really thinks about it. That turns his grin a shade softer, even as he's still visibly finding it hilarious to present Charles with this NO BITCHIN' apron. A token of his many affections, clearly.]
Too easy, it's like you like me or something.
[Ha ha, now duck, so he can toss the apron's neck loop over Charles' head, after which he gives the assortment of ingredients a mildly intimidated look.]
Soooo, knowing what you do about me and cooking, do you want me to help...?
no subject
as he stands up again, he is faced with the apron (which he's still unsure of) and junpei's smile (which is still the loveliest thing he's ever seen, even when it's half at his expense) — and ha, right, the quip makes him roll his eyes... but he does duck his head and then ties the apron behind his back to hold it in place properly. ]
Course I do. [ though he adds, before junpei can be too anxious about this news, ] You're gonna help by keeping me company. Think you can do that?
[ as he reaches for the cutting board and a knife and starts peeling and chopping up vegetables, he can't help but think that all this — them, cooking lunch, gab circling their feet, it's all horribly domestic... and it makes him so, so overwhelmingly happy. ]
no subject
Think I can manage...
[He'll keep Gab from getting too excited about little treats, stooping to nudge the dog away from Charles, mumbling, ("Let him work, come on, you're with me") before simply scooping up the old man and moving to the other side of the kitchen counter.
This really is domestic, isn't it? Junpei has no complaints, but huh! It's a surprise every time, in a way.]
So... tell me what you're doing? Give me the curry play-by-play.
no subject
and he can’t help but feel a little self-conscious at times about whether all this is really all that interesting, but junpei did ask, so... he keeps explaining every step, offering little details about how his mom would make the dish, how she used a specific combination of spices that had been used in the family for generations; little things to fill in the silence between his chopping and stirring.
when the curry is finally simmering under the lid, charles steps back with an exhale. ]
Right, now we just let it be for a tick. Though, hold on, [ he grabs a spoon, lifts the lid and scoops up some of the curry. ]
I can still adjust the flavour, so, taste test it for me, yeah?
[ instead of handing junpei the spoon, he'll just reach over to hold it for him. ]
no subject
How long's "a tick"?
[Surely there's a timer? Is there not a real timer? He's trusting in the process here, given that he wouldn't know any better.
And he rises a little off his seat to lean forward and taste that spoonful without hesitation, considering it with a thoughtful eyebrow wiggle. Does it taste better automatically because Charles fed it to him? Yes, of course it does, but in the part of his thoughts that isn't constantly rotating around Charles this and Charles that—]
Well, it's got a nice kick. Maybe... a little more garlic?
no subject
Ten minutes? Fifteen? As long as it takes for the chicken to be proper cooked.
[ soooo no. no, there's not a real timer. but he is visibly thrilled that junpei is actually taking his time to consider the taste, and gives him feedback — this way he can be sure he'll like the end result. granted, he's... well, confident is perhaps the wrong word, given that he's not made this particular dish in decades, but relatively sure that whatever he makes is edible. it's just that he wants it to be better than that. ]
Sure. Whatever you want.
[ literally whatever... except the canned tomatoes. that's where he draws the line. anyway, he minces some more garlic and mixes it into the curry, and then places the lid on it, turning the heat down so it can just bubble away on its own for a while.
then he just walks round the stove to where junpei is sitting, and wraps his arms around him from behind him, ducking his head to kiss his cheek — partly because he really, really wants to, and partly because it's still a bit surreal to him that he's actually allowed to do this, now. ]
Excellent company so far. Ten out of ten.
no subject
[His boyfriend the fancy chef, wowza. He could watch Charles cook anything; it's almost a shame the glitches seem to have come to an end, if only because of that one day Charles could eat again. Is eating his cooking the next best thing? Maybe! He'll give glowing reviews, he's already decided.
When Charles comes around to hug him Junpei leans back into him automatically with a little laugh. He turns his head to catch Charles in another kiss before he straightens back up, abandoning the bag of chips entirely in favor of doling out more affection. Just catch him if he leans too far back and falls—]
I didn't know I was being graded... Now I've got to fill fifteen minutes, huh?
[Oh no, whatever shall he do.
...Well, what he wants to do is simply lean back cozily in Charles' arms, and since he can, that's what he's doing. It's still new enough to feel too good to be true, an unbelievable turn of events; he actually got the guy? The guy sees something in him worth putting time and effort into? Imagine that.
So maybe,] Stay right there?
[For fifteen whole minutes? Maybe. The whole thing's been a whirlwind, maybe they've earned fifteen minutes of uninterrupted tenderness.]
no subject
he hums in assent at the request, because turns out this is exactly where he wants to be, too; he crouches and tilts his head forward to tuck his face against the crook of junpei's neck, then, breathing in and out for a moment before pressing a light kiss there, before brushing his nose against the line of his neck, up and down again.
as he straightens up, he drops another kiss to junpei's temple, still cradling him in his arms as he says, with a soft kind of awe, ] I don't think I've ever been this happy.
[ it's his turn to laugh lightly, more of a chuckle than anything else — because, really, in hindsight it's somewhat hilarious that it took him so long to understand what he was feeling, especially when he thinks he's been drawn to junpei from the first moment of meeting him. and every single moment they've spent together, no matter the situation, junpei's never once failed to make him feel happy just by being there. ]
Not for nothing, but... you know I've been in love with you since that week, yeah?
no subject
But hm, what-]
Wait, which week?
[Charles was one of the first people he met here, so that's a lot of weeks to choose from, although he has a guess. But surely not that week...]
Uh, I definitely had no idea, so... oops?
[Well, he might have wondered, but then all those pesky personal problems and second guesses came back, so essentially he had no idea.]
no subject
and uh, yeah, actually, ]
You know what week. [ so yes, it is in fact that week. ] I know it's weird, seeing how you weren't exactly in your right mind for half of it, but the half that you were... [ well. it's shit like that that really shows what people are like, and what he saw of junpei, then — isolating himself to avoid hurting anyone, talking about his own sort-of-deaths like he didn't really matter, somehow managing to find levity in the entire situation despite it all... how could he not have loved him with his whole damn soul since then?
he tries to encompass all of this in one soft smile and a shrug. ]
It's okay, [ he says then, wryly, ] Not like I realised it either, not until after the festival. [ which is a whole another thing, and he sounds distinctly embarrassed about this. not about the fact that it took him so long to figure out his own feelings, but more that he had to have someone spell it out for him... ]
no subject
You're cute, [he says, for that week and the festival both. And just because it's true, all things considered.]
Is it my turn...?
[To put himself so on blast about taking forever to get to his dorky confession, that is. He thinks about it; honestly, he isn't entirely sure of the precise moment - he loves Charles so much and so deeply, feeling this way about him is so comfortable and real and right, he might as well have been in love since the day they met.
But let him think about it. He furrows his brow, putting on a Very Thoughtful Look for the bit of it. Hmm.]
Definitely when I got you alone in that dressing room. [hahaha-- but no, actually,] Nah, it was before that. I mean, not that you didn't look good...
I think it was probably my "birthday," [fingerquotes included,] Or at least, that's when I figured it out.
no subject
and he hadn't meant for there to be turns taken, at all, but he's not about to object, especially not as junpei seems to genuinely give it a moment of thought, even if he's playing it up a bit. and the joke gets him to laugh, even as he shakes his head, remembering the whole moment... and yeah, he can't believe he still needed someone to spell it all out for him even after that. ]
So what I'm getting is I should dress down more often. [ which he's not averse to, really, he hangs out plenty at the office in just his tank top... but right, back to the actual conversation at hand. and what he's really getting is — ]
You mean we could've been doing this all this time? [ he's maybe half serious, his tone just a little too playful for him to actually be upset that they'd danced around each other for so long, especially as... well. he squeezes his arms around junpei, hugging him closer to his chest. ]
Think it took me so long to be willing to see it 'cause I didn't believe you'd ever love me back. [ he doesn't even sound self-deprecating for this; it's just a fact. ] And when I did see it, well, didn't want to say anything, did I? But the longer time went on, it also felt right terrible that you might not know how much I love you... so I sort of figured I'd just keep showing it, and not talk about it.
[ he tips his head and presses a kiss to junpei's forehead. ] Sorry to have left it all up to you.
no subject
In any case: he does not even bother trying to resist giving Charles a suggestive eyebrow wiggle—yes, please do dress down, he's going to snap those suspenders if it kills him—then leans his head back onto Charles' shoulder. They really could have been doing this the whole time, huh... but then, would it have been the same? Was it not just today that he himself made half of a speech about how they get one shot and there's no point in trying to change what's already happened?
So, that's fine. He shrugs.]
Was it really up to me? I mean, when you kissed me back there, I was pretty sure you knew what you were doing. [Haha. But really, this was definitely a mutual experience, in his opinion. That Charles didn't think his feelings could be reciprocated is both heartbreaking and all too relatable, just like the other thing...
Well, it's worked out so far. No complaints.]
I'm pretty much going to ride this high for, you know, forever, so... You did good.
[........he throws in a thumbs up, for emphasis.]
no subject
and really, he doesn't mind too much that it took them this long to get here; none of that time they spent together was wasted in any way, after all, not when it's all that time that brought them to this point, allowed them each to fall in love and then grow to accept it, grow used to it to the degree it became just a part of them... and he wouldn't change that even if he could. ]
Yours was the hardest part, [ he says back with a tender look, because if it had been up to him? well, he's already said as much — he would've been happy to simply keep showing his love in various ways while not saying anything about it.
somehow, incredibly, the you did good and the accompanying thumbs up just makes charles beam, his smile both sun-bright and sort of softly pleased at the same time. he turns his head and ducks down to this time press a kiss to junpei's cheek, and while there are surely many other words he could say, only three play inside his head as if on repeat. ]
I love you. [ is he ever going to get tired of just being able to say it out loud? no, absolutely not. it's still its own unique thrill, to know he can think it and doesn't have to keep it to himself. ]
🎀
Well, it's easy now. That's what counts. He twists in his seat, leaning away from Charles only enough to turn around in his arms and slide his own around Charles' waist.]
Love you, too. [See, so easy, and privately he remembers all the other things that were just as easy to say back when he promised them - to stay together, to carry each other's burdens - and feels a fresh rush of all those desires now, looking up at Charles in his dinky little kitchen.
If he looks, briefly, kind of intense about it, well! He'll probably reiterate all those other things out loud again at some point. For now he leans up into a kiss like a perfect punctuation mark on this decision he's made.
Then, looking back towards the stove,] Soooo... lunch?
[And So It Was Lunch]