[ he does consider asking — but then, it'd be him pushing, and he doesn't want to do that. he wouldn't mind knowing, no, but only if it's something junpei wants to tell him; that's the thing about trauma, innit? won't help if you're pushed to talk about it. you have to want to share it; that's the only way the wound's ever gonna start closing, even a bit. and so the best he can do is be here, just as he'd been there that week — a solid presence, so that if and when the day ever comes junpei does want to talk... well. he'll know he can.
he chuckles under his breath at being graded for his help, even as a joke — it's silly, yeah, but it's also pretty funny. and hey, b's not terrible.
his voice is soft when he says, ]
Yeah, well, you wouldn't have. You're too good for that.
[Oh, and that's not what Junpei is expecting to hear at all. He's thrown plenty of tantrums in his life, he has an uncomfortable amount of indignant anger with no outlet, so he means it when he says he'd have made it pretty clear already if he had a bone to pick with Charles. It would have followed a lot of sullen sulking and passive-aggressive mumbling, and he'd probably end up embarrassed, but oh, yeah. He's not unfamiliar with flipping out.
Then Charles has to go and say he's too good, and despite himself, a part of Junpei chafes against that. Surely he knows better by now when it comes to being the good, understanding, upstanding guy; surely that's just naïveté he can't stomach anymore, after everything. Too good? Actually?
...Well, either way. It's exhausting just thinking about getting indignant to prove a point, look at him, so tough and hardened to the world!!—he can't be bothered. He scoffs and reaches for the abandoned beer again.
Maybe this time it's fine to... enjoy the compliment? Or whatever this is, the easy comfort that comes from Charles just saying stuff like that, and not getting flustered about it, either. Jeez.]
[ good, charles says, and doesn't mean someone who always does the right thing, doesn't mean someone who never snaps at others — because, really, it's not about that. crystal used to be mean and horrible and literally made a guy walk into traffic, and she's still sharp and her words cut like knives and yet she's still, fundamentally, one of the best people charles knows, caring and kind and wanting to do better, be better. and edwin — well, edwin's combative, sarcastic, jealous, cold and logical, and also the single kindest person in the entire world, the best person, selfless to the point of staying with a dying stranger, just to make sure he wouldn't pass on alone.
good, charles says, and means you'd never blame me for leaving you because you thought you deserved to be alone, then, means you were willing to self-isolate just to avoid hurting anyone, means you deny it and deflect it but you care about everyone so much it's easier not to face it.
instead of saying any of that out loud, though, what he says is something far simpler — easy, like he's speaking a fact, something written into stone. ]
You won't.
[ he considers, for a moment, moving his arm, but leaves it where it is, draped over junpei's shoulders. silence reigns, for a tick, until he says, with a hint of a smile in his tone, ] So... you have a list. What's on it?
[Well damn, now he has to try— no, no, it's good to hear. That's the kind of thing that gets him out of his head, so - even if he's not too sure about that! - he'll try. Whatever trying looks like; he hopes it involves sleeping on fewer storage room floors. He's had enough of that, and he's done plenty of disappointing things to meet some imaginary quota, so-]
Okay.
[Okay, he will try. And thanks. And ah, yes, the list, the really critically important thing. Junpei holds up fingers for each item:]
Beer's first, then spaghetti, then ghost armor. [The ones they've actually talked about, except that he was serious about trying to kill a plate of spaghetti or however it would need to be done. If time travel is real, why not the ghost of al dentes past?
And one more,] Then an mp3 player or something, unless you're about to pull one of those out of your magic pockets too.
[ so, here's the thing — he did understand that the word "list" involves several things and all, but somehow it didn't really sink in, not until junpei starts listing the stuff and charles thinks, oh. that's — the stuff they've talked about, before, sort of off-hand mentions, the drinking and the spaghetti, and is it weird that he feels touched that he remembers? that he cares enough to actually have committed them to memory?
he pushes that away, then, choosing to grin instead and quip back, ] Nope, don't got one. I wish I had magic pockets, honest.
[ every day, he misses his backpack... anyway. a pause, ] So an mp3 player, that's like a walkman, then?
[ sorry........ he could have kept with the times regarding technology, but. well, not much use for learning about computers and such when you're a ghost. ]
[Junpei tilts his head to give Charles a look, sideways, like excuse him? Those pockets produced a bottle opener and a notebook, like, twenty minutes ago? As someone who carries around maybe five bucks in a cheap wallet and nothing else, Junpei considers these pockets magic and endless. Maybe not literally.
But never mind that.]
Yeah, basically. But smaller, and you don't have to put anything into it—it's all digital. You can have all the Freddie you want.
[ somehow, somehow, this is news to him. like, yeah, he knows that people have cellphones that have internet and games with better graphics than anything there was in the 80s, and he objectively knows there's something called spotify even though he's not a hundred percent on what it's spotting, but — ]
Mate, that's brills! [ he sounds way too enthused about this, eyes sparkling like a particularly excited puppy. ] Listening to music's my favourite thing to do at night, and that'd make it so much easier. And I've been so bored, here, there's only so many times you can walk around the entire city until it gets old.
[New Charles lore: kept up with Now! compilations but not with iPods, alright. Junpei nods and holds his hands up to make an mp3-player-sized rectangle with his fingers - he does not put down the beer for this, so it's a rectangle only in theory, or else he'll spill.]
Yeah, like- this big? No CDs or anything. I used to have one that even picked up the radio.
[Perhaps he should put it higher on the list, for nighttime activity purposes... hmm.]
[ despite the demonstration remaining on entirely theoretical level, charles hums in understanding, privately a little glad that there's no judgment for his, you know, lack of technological know-how (unlike crystal who's ribbed them about their limited knowledge of the internet several times already, thanks for nothing crystal!).
then he just nods, like this is totally commonplace. ]
Well, yeah? I can't sleep, and since most people do, there's sort of limited options for what to do. Figured I'd get the lay of the land, see where everything is... it's not like my feet can hurt from too much walking, is it?
[ he makes a little half-shrug. ] 's a bit boring, too, on your own, but better than just staying in and doing nothing.
Now you're just making up tautologies. I mean, there's got to be more options than A. walk around bored and B. sit around bored.
[Charles did carry these drinks here, Junpei thinks, as he finally manages to finish off this beer - surely he could, uh, play solitaire? Solve some riddles? Maybe?
Something to workshop.]
Next time I'm up at 3am, I'll send you a word search or something.
Tautologies, [ he repeats, with one raised eyebrow and an amused current to his tone. you absolute nerd.
and then he just deflates a bit. ]
Thanks for the thought. Just — reading's never been my strong point, the letters just — [ he waves his hand as if to indicate scrambling ] — so normally back home I sneak into movies, or listen to music, or listen to Edwin read, or we play board games. When we're not working on a case, that is.
[ tilting his head back, he looks up and says, quiet, ] I... haven't really had to be on my own, you know, in the past three decades. So walking — it's getting out, yeah? Seeing places, and the few people who're around. It's not much, but at least...
[ he trails off, but it's pretty easy to hear the rest; at least then, he's not in an apartment, alone and losing his mind over it. ]
[Hey, first of all: ....shush. Junpei gives him a little nudge in the ribs, which might be cleverly disguised as getting himself another beer. This one, maybe, he won't just hold like a prop for a while.
But, ah, so word puzzles are out of the question. Junpei hums, half-distracted, already thinking of something else to send at 3am. Picture puzzles?? That's nearly just memes...
...can't rule it out yet. Anyway.]
Yeah... I mean, to be honest, I don't really get it. I've lived alone for a while, [maybe three years tops, which is a while in college, ahem,] and sometimes I do just stare at the wall for a few hours.
[And he's fine with that. But this isn't about his completely normal relationship with being on his own, so. Hmm.]
Embrace staring at the walls. —That's a joke. How about... art.
my god this thread really is like 50 shades of being messed up
[ charles, of course, lets out an oof as if the nudge was something far more significant, grinning as he does so, before settling back to wait for junpei to get another drink — and then he just starts laughing at the part about the walls and the immediate deadpan of it being a joke.
once he focuses back on the topic, though, it's obvious that he's actually giving this whole thing some real thought, which — ] Hey, [ says charles, with his grin turning into something a touch softer, ] You don't have to solve my boredom issue for me, yeah? It's not your problem.
[ but then he pauses, and, with some hesitation, picks up the notebook again, flipping to some of the first pages. on them, there's some pencil doodles — a nearby park, some flowers, a portrait of this old lady who always gets coffee at 8:20 in the morning in the coffee shop right across from charles' flat.
they're quickly done, that much is obvious, but they're also — well, pretty damn good, even if charles would never describe them as such himself. ] I, uh, draw sometimes, [ he settles on saying. but every time he takes his pencil and prepares to draw there's a voice, rough and angry, at the back of his mind, yelling at him that art's something for girls, that the only really proper hobby is sports so he ought to focus on that, and —
yeah. well. he just doesn't pick up the pen a lot. ]
[One fumble with the bottle opener later,] That's not why.
[Because the reason is as simple as he cares about Charles, and his relationships are all so goddamn weird at this point that he has no frame of reference for how normal people show that they care, and so—the 3am word search tier of ideas.
But then there's art, and instead of continuing that first thought, Junpei says,] Oh shit, you're really good. And you let me draw that tube telescope in there, man...
[Ha. He resists the sudden and powerful urge to ask Can You Draw Me? and instead opts for,]
[ well, it's a good thing charles isn't exactly the paragon of normality when it comes to relationships or showing care, then, either.
the mention of the telescope makes him chuckle and say, ] Oi, I liked the telescope!
[ but then he, well, he'd scratch his cheek in embarrassment if he had a hand free, but his arm hasn't moved from its place and his other hand is holding the notebook, so he settles for glancing to the side and biting his lip.
eventually he just hands junpei the notebook to flip through, with a sigh and a sheepish, almost cautious, ] Here. But, um, don't be mad, yeah?
[ his eyes are very large and pleading. the why isn't immediately obvious — there's more buildings around aldrip, a few sketches of streets or a cool sign over a shop; then there's a few of the same place, seeming to be an office, drawn from memory; and then there's people. a white-haired, japanese girl laughing, bathed in blue light (the only colour found in any of the drawings). then a few pages torn off, and then more people, a few junpei might recognise: scott, arms crossed and looking somewhat righteously angry; richard, sitting down and staring at a croissant like it might jump up and bite him.
and then, well, once he turns the page, he'll see — there's none of the surroundings drawn, there, very clearly on purpose; instead, it's just a sketch of junpei himself, crouched down, head tilted to the side, looking at what one might call the camera if this was a photograph, looking a bit tired but with a small, genuine smile. ]
[But okay, okay, sure. Junpei doesn't need to argue that he sucks at telescope drawings, not when there are more actually quality drawings to look at. He raises an eyebrow - why would he be mad, unless Charles is secretly the worst person ever and all of his drawings are offensive? - and turns his attention to the notebook. The drawings of people really show Charles' talent more than the flowers and stuff, at least to Junpei's non-artist eye; people seem harder to draw? It makes sense!
Then—oh.]
Huh, that's me.
[He doesn't know what else to say besides that, feeling, honestly, kind of choked up for a moment. That feels silly; it's just a drawing, but there's something about the earnestness of it, the attention to detail, the vulnerability in that don't be mad still lingering as he looks at the drawing. Maybe it's been a longer and shittier couple weeks than he thought, if something like a nice little drawing is going to make him get emotional, ah—
But luckily that doesn't last too long, the vaguely overwhelmed feeling giving way to—well. He's blushing, and worse, all the way to his ears. He clears his throat, still looking at the drawing of himself giving him that look back from the page. Jeez.]
Why, uh... why would I be mad? It looks like me, so...
god i hope not no one should subscribe to this absolute trainwreck
[ the apprehension doesn't leave him immediately — he holds himself as if braced for a blow, biting his lip until junpei finally flips to the right page, eyes trained on him until it becomes clear that he's not, in fact, mad at all —
all the tension leaves him with an entirely unnecessary exhale, bleeds away from his shoulders, and gives way to a small smile, almost as if to mirror the drawing. and then, staring at junpei as he is, he notices the red on his face, spreading all the way to his ears, and it's — god, well, it's a little more than endearing, and for a heartbeat charles wonders if he would be able to feel the warmth of his face if he were to touch it.
... and wow, well, that's a totally normal thought to have, innit, he's just, you know, not going to think about that anymore. instead, he says, ] It's not weird, is it? Drawing you without asking. Just, I thought, it's been pretty shitty couple of weeks, yeah? So I wanted to remember the good parts.
[ he's steadily ignoring the implications of the good parts, as he puts it, being two very specific occasions (scott, angry at the world at large and showing his good character; and richard, not out of his mind with murder impulses but confused by modern food) and then, quite simply, junpei's smile. ]
[Idly Junpei wonders who exactly has given Charles cause to be nervous like that - even with a comfortable buzz, still admiring the drawing, it's difficult to miss - and what for, when he's obviously talented. Somehow that feels even more out of line to ask about than the myriad deaths, so—instead,]
Unless you draw me, I don't know, kicking puppies or something, I think you're good.
[Although look how totally wiped out he looks there, how unflattering... No, no, the art is great. Junpei's mildly surprised he earned a spot among "the good parts" at all, given what bad company he must have been; it is flattering, actually.
The longer he looks at the drawing the more he's subconsciously sort of - mirroring his own tired little smile back at it, which is definitely embarrassing, please don't perceive him, thank you.]
You'd probably have to burn it afterwards if I tried to draw you.
[Ha ha... he turns his head just slightly, to give Charles a sidelong look. Unless...........?]
well sure hope they like being frustrated by stupid boys being stupid then
[ he gives a light laugh at the quip, mostly because it's such a stupid thing to say, but, ] Nah, as if. Might draw you with puppies, though, if you want.
[ he'd like it, he thinks, doing a proper drawing of him instead of this quick one from memory. and for a moment, he just looks at him, the little smile on his lips, and — well, the sidelong glance and the suggestion come at exactly the right time, charles startling slightly but then laughing as he picks up the pen from where it's fallen, to the little space between them on the floor. ]
Now that you've said it, you gotta do it.
[ then, holding out the pen to him with a grin that sparkles with mischief, ] Promise not to burn it, honest.
i hope they're as embarrassed of junpei as i am rn
[The best kind of puppies, in fact. Especially if he gets to hang out with a real dog, is that implied? Is this a "pose with real puppies" kind of offer, he's not sure, but it might be... nice. Hang out with dogs, watch Charles draw, utterly fail to hold still... Yeah.
But for now, he's going to commit artistic sacrilege on this notebook some more. He takes the pen and raises an eyebrow with an exaggerated faux-grimace, as if perhaps Charles knows not what horrors Junpei is going to put on this page...
He begins as all millennial artistes (tm) do, with the dojob face. Then a generous amount of curls and a shape that is intended to be Charles' earring, finished off with a speech bubble he draws before writing "brills" in it, so he kind of has to cram the "lls" together.
He holds it up. The tube-scope was sooo embarrassing, but this one he's proud of, although with a considerable heaping of irony because he knows he sucks at art. It's a symbolic rendering, obviously.]
[ that is absolutely what it is, and charles is already making a note of it — he's sure he can acquire some puppies somewhere (and this time without being scolded for it, like in the infamous puppy debacle of '94) and seeing as he's definitely a dog person, it sounds like all-around good time: watch them be all cute and soft and silly while bouncing around and over junpei, try and capture the moment —
yeah. all-around good time, definitely.
anyway, time to focus on the artistic masterpiece happening right in front of him; he never stops grinning, from when junpei picks up the pen to when he finally puts it down, and then charles just — well, to say he laughs is putting it a bit mildly. it's more that he collapses in giggles, and this is what finally makes him remove his arm from its place around junpei's shoulders, mostly so he can just hold onto his arm instead, head falling down to thunk on his shoulder as he shakes with the force of his laughter.
he manages to stop it long enough to look at junpei, eyes bright with what can only be reliably described as affection, and answer with, ] Brills, mate, [ and then that sets him off again, until he has to press the back of his hand over his mouth to stop himself.
when he does, though, and looks up again... ] Love it. Seriously, I mean it. [ and from the look on his face, still amused but also just genuinely delighted — yeah, he does mean it. ]
[A flawless victory for the dojob face?! Charles' sudden fit of giggles makes Junpei grin and does nothing at all to temper the color in his face - if he must be red-faced and a touch too warm for the foreseeable future, then so be it. It's worth it for all the smug mugging he gets to do over the dojob giggles.
And that in itself is endearing; the look Charles gives him before he collapses into giggles again is only going to encourage him to ham it up some more, giving the notebook a one-handed flourish and declaring:]
Yeah, I'm like the van Gogh of thirty-second portraits, I know.
[Tada, so artistic, etc. He grins at Charles for an extra long beat, just, you know, remembering this little moment because he's having a good time on his birthday and for no other particular reason— then holds the notebook out to him. He's done committing art crimes... for now.]
Course you are, [ he says, voice still shaking with mirth, and he blames that for the way he just falls silent then for a beat or two or three as junpei grins at him, a smug edge to his smile, and charles just smiles back a tad helplessly until the notebook is back in his hands and he breaks the eye contact to take it and tuck it back into his coat pocket. ]
Thanks. A Junpei Tenmyouji original, yeah? You never know, might be worth millions, some years from now.
[ not that he'd sell it even then, though. he has little need for money, and honestly, the little, silly drawing means a lot more to him than that. not that he's going to be able to keep it, whenever he goes back home, if he goes back home — and that's a strangely devastating thought, that he might not remember one damn thing of this.
to distract himself from that, he says, smile still firmly in place, ] You think our worlds are the same, or just similar? You're the quantum thing expert, what'd'you think?
Or it'll just be a doodle, but you can keep laughing about it.
[Which is just as good a purpose as selling for millions, maybe, kind of—
Junpei settles back against the wall again, picking up the beer that was definitely not supposed to be a prop and definitely not forgotten about for art club just now, and - considers more quantum mechanics, so it's really any other afternoon of a day ending in -y.]
You mean, when you get to 2029, could you find me being pissed off in the middle of the desert? Dunno.
[Fun thought experiment, almost!! Junpei's understanding of time after all that's happened is that linearity is a matter of perspective and everything else only makes sense after someone else explains it to you a handful of times. And then that's only a "sort of"...]
There's no reason they couldn't be the same. They don't teach you how to find out in quantum school, mostly because quantum school doesn't exist.
[He shrugs, like, unfortunately that's the best he can do, and it comes with it the implication that "no they're not" is just as likely as "yes they are." But why not choose the option that feels a little less lonely, just because? It's harmless.]
Oh, I will, [ he promises easily, because honestly, he's going to look at that drawing every single time he starts to lose his mind about, you know, about being stuck here or being alone or any number of things, because he already knows it's guaranteed to cheer him up. so, yeah, maybe it is worth more than selling for millions.
he nods, then, because that's exactly what he's asking — and, okay, so maybe it's a good thing junpei doesn't try to explain the linearity aspect of it all (or non-linearity, or whatever), because he likely wouldn't get it... but he does get the important part: that if it falls squarely in the middle of "possible" and "impossible", well, he knows what his choice is going to be. ]
So that's five years, then. [ he nods, again, this time almost more to himself than anything else. five years? yeah, he can do five years. ]
Right, that's not bad. I can mirror hop anywhere, you know, I think I could find you just by — [ he gives his hand a little wave, as if to say, knowing you. ] And you've probably had enough near-death experiences that you'd be able to see me. Or if not, I could always just haunt you, leave you notes, that kinda stuff.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
he chuckles under his breath at being graded for his help, even as a joke — it's silly, yeah, but it's also pretty funny. and hey, b's not terrible.
his voice is soft when he says, ]
Yeah, well, you wouldn't have. You're too good for that.
no subject
Then Charles has to go and say he's too good, and despite himself, a part of Junpei chafes against that. Surely he knows better by now when it comes to being the good, understanding, upstanding guy; surely that's just naïveté he can't stomach anymore, after everything. Too good? Actually?
...Well, either way. It's exhausting just thinking about getting indignant to prove a point, look at him, so tough and hardened to the world!!—he can't be bothered. He scoffs and reaches for the abandoned beer again.
Maybe this time it's fine to... enjoy the compliment? Or whatever this is, the easy comfort that comes from Charles just saying stuff like that, and not getting flustered about it, either. Jeez.]
If you say so. I'll try not to disappoint.
no subject
good, charles says, and means you'd never blame me for leaving you because you thought you deserved to be alone, then, means you were willing to self-isolate just to avoid hurting anyone, means you deny it and deflect it but you care about everyone so much it's easier not to face it.
instead of saying any of that out loud, though, what he says is something far simpler — easy, like he's speaking a fact, something written into stone. ]
You won't.
[ he considers, for a moment, moving his arm, but leaves it where it is, draped over junpei's shoulders. silence reigns, for a tick, until he says, with a hint of a smile in his tone, ] So... you have a list. What's on it?
no subject
Okay.
[Okay, he will try. And thanks. And ah, yes, the list, the really critically important thing. Junpei holds up fingers for each item:]
Beer's first, then spaghetti, then ghost armor. [The ones they've actually talked about, except that he was serious about trying to kill a plate of spaghetti or however it would need to be done. If time travel is real, why not the ghost of al dentes past?
And one more,] Then an mp3 player or something, unless you're about to pull one of those out of your magic pockets too.
no subject
he pushes that away, then, choosing to grin instead and quip back, ] Nope, don't got one. I wish I had magic pockets, honest.
[ every day, he misses his backpack... anyway. a pause, ] So an mp3 player, that's like a walkman, then?
[ sorry........ he could have kept with the times regarding technology, but. well, not much use for learning about computers and such when you're a ghost. ]
no subject
But never mind that.]
Yeah, basically. But smaller, and you don't have to put anything into it—it's all digital. You can have all the Freddie you want.
no subject
[ somehow, somehow, this is news to him. like, yeah, he knows that people have cellphones that have internet and games with better graphics than anything there was in the 80s, and he objectively knows there's something called spotify even though he's not a hundred percent on what it's spotting, but — ]
Mate, that's brills! [ he sounds way too enthused about this, eyes sparkling like a particularly excited puppy. ] Listening to music's my favourite thing to do at night, and that'd make it so much easier. And I've been so bored, here, there's only so many times you can walk around the entire city until it gets old.
[ #ghostlyfe ]
no subject
Yeah, like- this big? No CDs or anything. I used to have one that even picked up the radio.
[Perhaps he should put it higher on the list, for nighttime activity purposes... hmm.]
You really walked around the whole city already?
no subject
then he just nods, like this is totally commonplace. ]
Well, yeah? I can't sleep, and since most people do, there's sort of limited options for what to do. Figured I'd get the lay of the land, see where everything is... it's not like my feet can hurt from too much walking, is it?
[ he makes a little half-shrug. ] 's a bit boring, too, on your own, but better than just staying in and doing nothing.
no subject
[Charles did carry these drinks here, Junpei thinks, as he finally manages to finish off this beer - surely he could, uh, play solitaire? Solve some riddles? Maybe?
Something to workshop.]
Next time I'm up at 3am, I'll send you a word search or something.
no subject
and then he just deflates a bit. ]
Thanks for the thought. Just — reading's never been my strong point, the letters just — [ he waves his hand as if to indicate scrambling ] — so normally back home I sneak into movies, or listen to music, or listen to Edwin read, or we play board games. When we're not working on a case, that is.
[ tilting his head back, he looks up and says, quiet, ] I... haven't really had to be on my own, you know, in the past three decades. So walking — it's getting out, yeah? Seeing places, and the few people who're around. It's not much, but at least...
[ he trails off, but it's pretty easy to hear the rest; at least then, he's not in an apartment, alone and losing his mind over it. ]
no subject
But, ah, so word puzzles are out of the question. Junpei hums, half-distracted, already thinking of something else to send at 3am. Picture puzzles?? That's nearly just memes...
...can't rule it out yet. Anyway.]
Yeah... I mean, to be honest, I don't really get it. I've lived alone for a while, [maybe three years tops, which is a while in college, ahem,] and sometimes I do just stare at the wall for a few hours.
[And he's fine with that. But this isn't about his completely normal relationship with being on his own, so. Hmm.]
Embrace staring at the walls. —That's a joke. How about... art.
my god this thread really is like 50 shades of being messed up
once he focuses back on the topic, though, it's obvious that he's actually giving this whole thing some real thought, which — ] Hey, [ says charles, with his grin turning into something a touch softer, ] You don't have to solve my boredom issue for me, yeah? It's not your problem.
[ but then he pauses, and, with some hesitation, picks up the notebook again, flipping to some of the first pages. on them, there's some pencil doodles — a nearby park, some flowers, a portrait of this old lady who always gets coffee at 8:20 in the morning in the coffee shop right across from charles' flat.
they're quickly done, that much is obvious, but they're also — well, pretty damn good, even if charles would never describe them as such himself. ] I, uh, draw sometimes, [ he settles on saying. but every time he takes his pencil and prepares to draw there's a voice, rough and angry, at the back of his mind, yelling at him that art's something for girls, that the only really proper hobby is sports so he ought to focus on that, and —
yeah. well. he just doesn't pick up the pen a lot. ]
trauma sharing speedrun any%
[Because the reason is as simple as he cares about Charles, and his relationships are all so goddamn weird at this point that he has no frame of reference for how normal people show that they care, and so—the 3am word search tier of ideas.
But then there's art, and instead of continuing that first thought, Junpei says,] Oh shit, you're really good. And you let me draw that tube telescope in there, man...
[Ha. He resists the sudden and powerful urge to ask Can You Draw Me? and instead opts for,]
You have more in there?
remember to donate--
the mention of the telescope makes him chuckle and say, ] Oi, I liked the telescope!
[ but then he, well, he'd scratch his cheek in embarrassment if he had a hand free, but his arm hasn't moved from its place and his other hand is holding the notebook, so he settles for glancing to the side and biting his lip.
eventually he just hands junpei the notebook to flip through, with a sigh and a sheepish, almost cautious, ] Here. But, um, don't be mad, yeah?
[ his eyes are very large and pleading. the why isn't immediately obvious — there's more buildings around aldrip, a few sketches of streets or a cool sign over a shop; then there's a few of the same place, seeming to be an office, drawn from memory; and then there's people. a white-haired, japanese girl laughing, bathed in blue light (the only colour found in any of the drawings). then a few pages torn off, and then more people, a few junpei might recognise: scott, arms crossed and looking somewhat righteously angry; richard, sitting down and staring at a croissant like it might jump up and bite him.
and then, well, once he turns the page, he'll see — there's none of the surroundings drawn, there, very clearly on purpose; instead, it's just a sketch of junpei himself, crouched down, head tilted to the side, looking at what one might call the camera if this was a photograph, looking a bit tired but with a small, genuine smile. ]
100k subscriber giveaway coming soon
[But okay, okay, sure. Junpei doesn't need to argue that he sucks at telescope drawings, not when there are more actually quality drawings to look at. He raises an eyebrow - why would he be mad, unless Charles is secretly the worst person ever and all of his drawings are offensive? - and turns his attention to the notebook. The drawings of people really show Charles' talent more than the flowers and stuff, at least to Junpei's non-artist eye; people seem harder to draw? It makes sense!
Then—oh.]
Huh, that's me.
[He doesn't know what else to say besides that, feeling, honestly, kind of choked up for a moment. That feels silly; it's just a drawing, but there's something about the earnestness of it, the attention to detail, the vulnerability in that don't be mad still lingering as he looks at the drawing. Maybe it's been a longer and shittier couple weeks than he thought, if something like a nice little drawing is going to make him get emotional, ah—
But luckily that doesn't last too long, the vaguely overwhelmed feeling giving way to—well. He's blushing, and worse, all the way to his ears. He clears his throat, still looking at the drawing of himself giving him that look back from the page. Jeez.]
Why, uh... why would I be mad? It looks like me, so...
god i hope not no one should subscribe to this absolute trainwreck
all the tension leaves him with an entirely unnecessary exhale, bleeds away from his shoulders, and gives way to a small smile, almost as if to mirror the drawing. and then, staring at junpei as he is, he notices the red on his face, spreading all the way to his ears, and it's — god, well, it's a little more than endearing, and for a heartbeat charles wonders if he would be able to feel the warmth of his face if he were to touch it.
... and wow, well, that's a totally normal thought to have, innit, he's just, you know, not going to think about that anymore. instead, he says, ] It's not weird, is it? Drawing you without asking. Just, I thought, it's been pretty shitty couple of weeks, yeah? So I wanted to remember the good parts.
[ he's steadily ignoring the implications of the good parts, as he puts it, being two very specific occasions (scott, angry at the world at large and showing his good character; and richard, not out of his mind with murder impulses but confused by modern food) and then, quite simply, junpei's smile. ]
that's exactly why they're subscribing tbh
Unless you draw me, I don't know, kicking puppies or something, I think you're good.
[Although look how totally wiped out he looks there, how unflattering... No, no, the art is great. Junpei's mildly surprised he earned a spot among "the good parts" at all, given what bad company he must have been; it is flattering, actually.
The longer he looks at the drawing the more he's subconsciously sort of - mirroring his own tired little smile back at it, which is definitely embarrassing, please don't perceive him, thank you.]
You'd probably have to burn it afterwards if I tried to draw you.
[Ha ha... he turns his head just slightly, to give Charles a sidelong look. Unless...........?]
well sure hope they like being frustrated by stupid boys being stupid then
[ he'd like it, he thinks, doing a proper drawing of him instead of this quick one from memory. and for a moment, he just looks at him, the little smile on his lips, and — well, the sidelong glance and the suggestion come at exactly the right time, charles startling slightly but then laughing as he picks up the pen from where it's fallen, to the little space between them on the floor. ]
Now that you've said it, you gotta do it.
[ then, holding out the pen to him with a grin that sparkles with mischief, ] Promise not to burn it, honest.
i hope they're as embarrassed of junpei as i am rn
[The best kind of puppies, in fact. Especially if he gets to hang out with a real dog, is that implied? Is this a "pose with real puppies" kind of offer, he's not sure, but it might be... nice. Hang out with dogs, watch Charles draw, utterly fail to hold still... Yeah.
But for now, he's going to commit artistic sacrilege on this notebook some more. He takes the pen and raises an eyebrow with an exaggerated faux-grimace, as if perhaps Charles knows not what horrors Junpei is going to put on this page...
He begins as all millennial artistes (tm) do, with the dojob face. Then a generous amount of curls and a shape that is intended to be Charles' earring, finished off with a speech bubble he draws before writing "brills" in it, so he kind of has to cram the "lls" together.
He holds it up. The tube-scope was sooo embarrassing, but this one he's proud of, although with a considerable heaping of irony because he knows he sucks at art. It's a symbolic rendering, obviously.]
So, how'd I do?
ok but THAT ICON THOUGH
yeah. all-around good time, definitely.
anyway, time to focus on the artistic masterpiece happening right in front of him; he never stops grinning, from when junpei picks up the pen to when he finally puts it down, and then charles just — well, to say he laughs is putting it a bit mildly. it's more that he collapses in giggles, and this is what finally makes him remove his arm from its place around junpei's shoulders, mostly so he can just hold onto his arm instead, head falling down to thunk on his shoulder as he shakes with the force of his laughter.
he manages to stop it long enough to look at junpei, eyes bright with what can only be reliably described as affection, and answer with, ] Brills, mate, [ and then that sets him off again, until he has to press the back of his hand over his mouth to stop himself.
when he does, though, and looks up again... ] Love it. Seriously, I mean it. [ and from the look on his face, still amused but also just genuinely delighted — yeah, he does mean it. ]
it's compensation for his cringe crimes
And that in itself is endearing; the look Charles gives him before he collapses into giggles again is only going to encourage him to ham it up some more, giving the notebook a one-handed flourish and declaring:]
Yeah, I'm like the van Gogh of thirty-second portraits, I know.
[Tada, so artistic, etc. He grins at Charles for an extra long beat, just, you know, remembering this little moment because he's having a good time on his birthday and for no other particular reason— then holds the notebook out to him. He's done committing art crimes... for now.]
Here. Consider it a donation to your collection.
mmhm i think u mean cute crimes
Thanks. A Junpei Tenmyouji original, yeah? You never know, might be worth millions, some years from now.
[ not that he'd sell it even then, though. he has little need for money, and honestly, the little, silly drawing means a lot more to him than that. not that he's going to be able to keep it, whenever he goes back home, if he goes back home — and that's a strangely devastating thought, that he might not remember one damn thing of this.
to distract himself from that, he says, smile still firmly in place, ] You think our worlds are the same, or just similar? You're the quantum thing expert, what'd'you think?
he can be two things
[Which is just as good a purpose as selling for millions, maybe, kind of—
Junpei settles back against the wall again, picking up the beer that was definitely not supposed to be a prop and definitely not forgotten about for art club just now, and - considers more quantum mechanics, so it's really any other afternoon of a day ending in -y.]
You mean, when you get to 2029, could you find me being pissed off in the middle of the desert? Dunno.
[Fun thought experiment, almost!! Junpei's understanding of time after all that's happened is that linearity is a matter of perspective and everything else only makes sense after someone else explains it to you a handful of times. And then that's only a "sort of"...]
There's no reason they couldn't be the same. They don't teach you how to find out in quantum school, mostly because quantum school doesn't exist.
[He shrugs, like, unfortunately that's the best he can do, and it comes with it the implication that "no they're not" is just as likely as "yes they are." But why not choose the option that feels a little less lonely, just because? It's harmless.]
cute and cringe is the new black
he nods, then, because that's exactly what he's asking — and, okay, so maybe it's a good thing junpei doesn't try to explain the linearity aspect of it all (or non-linearity, or whatever), because he likely wouldn't get it... but he does get the important part: that if it falls squarely in the middle of "possible" and "impossible", well, he knows what his choice is going to be. ]
So that's five years, then. [ he nods, again, this time almost more to himself than anything else. five years? yeah, he can do five years. ]
Right, that's not bad. I can mirror hop anywhere, you know, I think I could find you just by — [ he gives his hand a little wave, as if to say, knowing you. ] And you've probably had enough near-death experiences that you'd be able to see me. Or if not, I could always just haunt you, leave you notes, that kinda stuff.
trendsetting.....
he's the moment he's the movement
i'm burying myself at sea
the way i went "oh god" and then immediately segued into "i can make this worse"
oh good!! i'm burying us both at sea!!
yep yep yep
my eyes are shut in shame
at least junpei has the excuse of being, like, somewhat drunk - charles has none. smh
he's pretty, he doesn't need an excuse
being pretty only takes you so far and he passed that like twenty tags ago
damn, arrested for pretty boy crimes
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
i'm closing my eyes
see no evil hear no evil--
what's gayer, being gay or whatever they're doing now
theyre the "homosexuality doesn't even begin to explain the behaviour these men are exhibiting" meme
that & clown to clown communication... 🎀