[ he moves on autopilot — everything is fine, as long as he doesn't have to let go of junpei, and the only notable upside the bed has for him is that it makes it easier for him to hold him better, closer.
the kiss junpei presses against his cheek makes him smile, a little tremulous but real, and he turns his head, too, to press their foreheads together for just a moment, like a punctuation mark on the promise. ] Yeah, [ he says, quiet and honest and all too aware that he's not exactly done his part of their previous promise, either, ] Starting now.
[ echoing the words, there, an i promise without saying as much — and maybe this time, they'll actually do better. junpei certainly is trying, speaking quietly about the time of year, and yeah, that explains his quietness, then. and charles gets it — of course he gets it, he'd done the exact same thing a month or so ago. ]
I get it. Hard not to think about stuff when it's the anniversary, yeah? [ he sighs, and now it's his turn to lean slightly closer, to press a light kiss to wherever he can reach without jostling the way they're holding each other too much. ]
But that's the difference, innit? It's been — half a year or so, then. And if you haven't talked about it more than this... [ he pauses, concern evident in his eyes and tone. ] Love, I know I don't exactly talk about my stuff, either, but I've at least had decades to sort of... sit with it all.
[ sort of, because as much as he's not talking about it and his very complicated feelings over his family and his death, at least he's not pretending it's all okay — well. no, alright, so he's trying to pretend it's all okay because it's easier that way, sometimes, but he does know he's got a lot of shit to sort through. he knows it upsets him, he knows it's not actually fine, any of it; his lack of talking about it has been mostly to avoid burdening anyone else with it all.
but junpei? he's not entirely sure if he's admitted any of that to himself, first of all: that it's not fine. that he can be angry over it, or upset, or sad — anything at all over the terrible emptiness in his voice as he listed his multitude of deaths.
but there has to be a way he can help, right? there has to. ]
no subject
the kiss junpei presses against his cheek makes him smile, a little tremulous but real, and he turns his head, too, to press their foreheads together for just a moment, like a punctuation mark on the promise. ] Yeah, [ he says, quiet and honest and all too aware that he's not exactly done his part of their previous promise, either, ] Starting now.
[ echoing the words, there, an i promise without saying as much — and maybe this time, they'll actually do better. junpei certainly is trying, speaking quietly about the time of year, and yeah, that explains his quietness, then. and charles gets it — of course he gets it, he'd done the exact same thing a month or so ago. ]
I get it. Hard not to think about stuff when it's the anniversary, yeah? [ he sighs, and now it's his turn to lean slightly closer, to press a light kiss to wherever he can reach without jostling the way they're holding each other too much. ]
But that's the difference, innit? It's been — half a year or so, then. And if you haven't talked about it more than this... [ he pauses, concern evident in his eyes and tone. ] Love, I know I don't exactly talk about my stuff, either, but I've at least had decades to sort of... sit with it all.
[ sort of, because as much as he's not talking about it and his very complicated feelings over his family and his death, at least he's not pretending it's all okay — well. no, alright, so he's trying to pretend it's all okay because it's easier that way, sometimes, but he does know he's got a lot of shit to sort through. he knows it upsets him, he knows it's not actually fine, any of it; his lack of talking about it has been mostly to avoid burdening anyone else with it all.
but junpei? he's not entirely sure if he's admitted any of that to himself, first of all: that it's not fine. that he can be angry over it, or upset, or sad — anything at all over the terrible emptiness in his voice as he listed his multitude of deaths.
but there has to be a way he can help, right? there has to. ]
Is it easier if I... I dunno, ask stuff?