[ it freaks me out, junpei says and charles has to bite down on an apology immediately; because he doesn't want him to be freaked, and isn't that exactly the reason edwin never told him about hell? partly to save him, yes, needlessly so... but partly because it was so painful to think about.
and that is what he thinks of, when junpei starts with his list; slowly, without making one single sound, he slides down to sit on the floor instead, closes his eyes as the list goes on, and on, and on.
why is it, he thinks, that the people he loves the most in all the worlds have had to die so many times, in such horrible, unfair ways? and why is it that both times, he's only hearing about it after it's all happened, unable to help, unable to do anything except sit here and be useless and he — he's already feeling terrible about essentially forcing junpei into doing this, already feels almost physically ill with hearing that dispassionate tone.
there are already tears in his eyes, because thinking of this and hell at the same time would do it; and privately, he thinks he knows now exactly what his own hell would look like, every single death junpei is listing out imprinting itself in his memory.
instead of saying that, it is only with decades of practice that he manages to sound pretty damn steady as he says, ] Why? I mean... I know you said you shifted to a different timeline when you were in danger, but — was there no other way?
[ he realises how stupid it sounds immediately; it's not like he'd have died all those times if he could have helped it, right? of course there was no other way. ] Sorry. Just... how did those happen? Was it always just — things went wrong and you had to switch timelines after?
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and that is what he thinks of, when junpei starts with his list; slowly, without making one single sound, he slides down to sit on the floor instead, closes his eyes as the list goes on, and on, and on.
why is it, he thinks, that the people he loves the most in all the worlds have had to die so many times, in such horrible, unfair ways? and why is it that both times, he's only hearing about it after it's all happened, unable to help, unable to do anything except sit here and be useless and he — he's already feeling terrible about essentially forcing junpei into doing this, already feels almost physically ill with hearing that dispassionate tone.
there are already tears in his eyes, because thinking of this and hell at the same time would do it; and privately, he thinks he knows now exactly what his own hell would look like, every single death junpei is listing out imprinting itself in his memory.
instead of saying that, it is only with decades of practice that he manages to sound pretty damn steady as he says, ] Why? I mean... I know you said you shifted to a different timeline when you were in danger, but — was there no other way?
[ he realises how stupid it sounds immediately; it's not like he'd have died all those times if he could have helped it, right? of course there was no other way. ] Sorry. Just... how did those happen? Was it always just — things went wrong and you had to switch timelines after?