[ charles, of course, would give him as many minutes as he needs — the longer junpei stalls, though, the more his fond look is overshadowed by the lingering concern from before, and it doesn't dissipate even as they walk outside, not even when junpei simply takes his hand and starts to tug him through the streets towards central aldrip.
for his part, he ignores the locals completely; perhaps on a normal day, he'd note the way the looks they're getting are distinctly more unfriendly than before, but he doesn't have the presence of mind for that right now. instead, he looks around a little half-heartedly, and every few seconds his eyes shift to look at junpei, to try and glean what he's thinking simply from his expression... and though he usually finds him pretty easy to read, well, perhaps that's just one more thing that's strange about today. instead of relieved, it is as if something weighs on him, and all charles can think to do is squeeze his hand in reassurance, even when he doesn't really know what he's reassuring him of, here.
the question makes him blink; is that what this is about? what-ifs? the fact that things could have gone far, far worse, and it's only due to luck that they didn't? maybe — and if it was anyone else asking, he would shake his head, say of course not, say what's the point of thinking about things that didn't happen... but it's junpei, the only person capable of drawing actual honesty from him because charles loves him far too much to lie to him, not even when he wishes he could. ]
Yeah, of course I do. It's like regrets, innit? If we hadn't managed the reset... or if things in Ketsora had ended differently. Do I wish I'd done something that I didn't?
[ he ducks his head, smiling despite it all, though there's a distinctly sad edge to his smile as he lifts his gaze, fixes it on junpei. ] I shouldn't have left. I don't — I mean, I don't regret helping out. But that's not where I should've been.
[ because when it comes right down to it — that is what he regrets, what he wishes he had done differently: junpei means more to him than anything or anyone in this place, and just like he'd left him to deal with the end of the gnos infection on his own, he'd left him alone this time, too. the words they'd exchanged over the network could well have been their last ones. and he's not quite sure he can entirely forgive himself for that. ]
From now on, I promise I'll stick with you, yeah? Unless you don't want me to.
no subject
for his part, he ignores the locals completely; perhaps on a normal day, he'd note the way the looks they're getting are distinctly more unfriendly than before, but he doesn't have the presence of mind for that right now. instead, he looks around a little half-heartedly, and every few seconds his eyes shift to look at junpei, to try and glean what he's thinking simply from his expression... and though he usually finds him pretty easy to read, well, perhaps that's just one more thing that's strange about today. instead of relieved, it is as if something weighs on him, and all charles can think to do is squeeze his hand in reassurance, even when he doesn't really know what he's reassuring him of, here.
the question makes him blink; is that what this is about? what-ifs? the fact that things could have gone far, far worse, and it's only due to luck that they didn't? maybe — and if it was anyone else asking, he would shake his head, say of course not, say what's the point of thinking about things that didn't happen... but it's junpei, the only person capable of drawing actual honesty from him because charles loves him far too much to lie to him, not even when he wishes he could. ]
Yeah, of course I do. It's like regrets, innit? If we hadn't managed the reset... or if things in Ketsora had ended differently. Do I wish I'd done something that I didn't?
[ he ducks his head, smiling despite it all, though there's a distinctly sad edge to his smile as he lifts his gaze, fixes it on junpei. ] I shouldn't have left. I don't — I mean, I don't regret helping out. But that's not where I should've been.
[ because when it comes right down to it — that is what he regrets, what he wishes he had done differently: junpei means more to him than anything or anyone in this place, and just like he'd left him to deal with the end of the gnos infection on his own, he'd left him alone this time, too. the words they'd exchanged over the network could well have been their last ones. and he's not quite sure he can entirely forgive himself for that. ]
From now on, I promise I'll stick with you, yeah? Unless you don't want me to.